Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Laundry Schmaundry - The Hamper Rules!

My hamper doesn't rule,
I rule.
These are just the rules for my hamper.

Other women like cooking, so they post recipes.

I like laundry.
I know, I'm weird.
If you don't like laundry, I can help you.
I would do yours if you lived closer,
but since you don't, I'll share my secrets of success.

Momma Mindy's Hamper Rules

1. If it ain't in the hamper,
it's ain't gunna' get warshed.

(In honor of living in Kansas for seven years,
today I'm saying "warsh" instead of "wash."
Didja' catch that?)

Even though that's the rule,
the truth is,
 many times they put their dirty clothes in the hamper

I've finished the laundry.

It doesn't matter how many times I say

"It's laundry day!"

"You put your dirty clothes in the hamper, right?"

... there's still glitches.

Maybe the clothes were hidden under the bed,
because they were too embarrassed to show me their dirt,
'cuz I told them not to wear their Sunday clothes to play football.

Maybe they've stained a brand new shirt.

Other times, they're just lazy. 
They hear me calling, but choose not to answer.
They think what they're doing is more important than
what I want them to do.

But, I stick to this, unless they really need a certain item of clothing
and/or them going without their clean clothes would embarrass me.

But, the more you bend the rules, the more they will.

2.  No towels in the hamper.

We live in a very moist climate, things mildew quickly. 
I've had clothes ruined by being smothered
at the bottom of the hamper by a damp towel.

3. Hamper is fer dirty clothes, not clean ones.

If you don't have kids, yer thinking I'm an idiot.
If you have kids, yer runnin' for your marker to put this
statement of brilliance on your laundry hamper.
To clue in childless, hamper-issue-less wonderful readers,
kids love to shove their dirty clothes in the drawers,
and put the clean ones back in the hamper.
Sometimes, they shove them in the hamper still folded.

I know, it's absolutely unbelievable.
I know, if you had kids, they'd never do that.
Good luck with that one, honey.  :)
Lemme' know how it turns out,  because years from now,
I'll still need advice.

Yea, it's totally legal to sniff  the clothes in the hamper,
refold, and put them back with their clean clothes.

4.  The way clothes go in the hamper
is the way they go in the warsher.

The above display is one dirty t-shirt still clinging to
one dirty zip-up.  They will cling to one another in the washer, too.
If they're still clinging, they'll be tumbling around the dryer together.

With six kids I don't have time to pull apart a ton of laundry,
unroll those nasty sock balls, and pull undies out of the pants.
Yea, I had two examples, but didn't use the pics.
Don't want to humiliate my children too much.

But still, despite having rules to
protect their laundry and make it  easier
for Mommma Mindy to warsh their laundry,
they still break the rules.

Yea, it's annoying, frustrating and can make me crabby,
yea, me, I get crabby,
but I really do love my kids and I do love taking care of them.

I encourage myself with these verses:

Galatians 6:9
 And let us not grow weary while doing good,
for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

Philippians 2:14
 Do all things without complaining and disputing.

Each time they don't follow
the hamper rules,
 I have to decide if I'll make the child
live with the consequences
if I'll extend mercy and wash another load of clothes.

The Lord just knows what it feels like to be a parent
who's rules aren't followed.
He just has
way more kids
and way more piles of dirty laundry.

We just think we can shove it under the bed where He can't see it,
or we think the stain is so bad He can't cleanse it.
Sometimes, we ignore Him calling us when He notices our stains.

Let's go back to rule #1.

If it ain't in the hamper,
it's ain't gunna' get warshed.

Let's be good kids,
and toss our dirty laundry in His hamper.

'Member?  He's the one who can warsh it
and make it whiter than snow.


  1. The only rule I had was that any change in the pockets would be confiscated, and any letters would be read. The letter rule worked, but I suppose that is obsolete now with cell phones and texting.

  2. I think my laundry room has little monsters that live in it....that is the only way to explain what happens in there ;)

  3. Doing laundry in the PNW definitely has another element of frustration with the mildew. yuck.

  4. Way to go Mama Mindy! I'm cheering for you.
    Love your rules...My pet peeve is to find clean socks (still bundled together) that have been tossed into the hamper. Grrrrrrr. Makes me as mean as a pitbull on steroids!

  5. I was given some great advice from Lauren, a young, beautiful, single woman, on Facebook....

    Beautiful woman! I was reading your blog this morning and thought of a piece of information that has saved me money and may make your children a little happy :)
    When washing denim, keep it inside out. I know this goes against your rules, BUT it does get the jeans clean AND preserves the colour of the denim. Which in turn, makes jeans last a little longer :) Cool, huh?

    Whoa, now I need to get that marker back out and put an addendum on my HAMPER RULES!

  6. I love reading about laundry...I have been doing a lot of it lately. BUT...I learned when I was first married that a hamper would never work. My dh always put his dirty clothes on a chair not the hamper. So one day, I moved the hamper and exchanged places with the chair. He came home from work and (to be funny) he put his clothes on the chair. I got rid of the hamper and I love having no hamper. When they were little, they learned to take their clothes downstairs to the 'baskets' and now the ones upstairs put them in a basket at the top of the stairs (it is there at night....hopefully :-). I never succeeded in teaching them to sort laundry, but mostly things are right-side out with just an occasional balled sock. The best is turning a sock right-side out and getting showered with wood shavings from chainsawing and splitting wood!!


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