Thursday, January 27, 2011

What if Daddy Is Wrong?

Yesterday, we determined that Daddy's way is OK.  Daddy may use too many wipes, Daddy may put the sheets on the bed the wrong way, but as long as there is no harm, there is no foul.

Sometimes the problem isn't Mommy being too picky, too naggy or too much of a perfectionist,  and not allowing Daddy to function his way.  There are times when  Daddy is wrong in his decisions or actions.

Is it really wrong?
Are you using your standards or the Lord's?  If you're thinking about Daddy hanging the toilet paper the wrong way, please go back and read yesterday's post. Pray and meet me back here.

It's amazing. A young mother who thought she knew it all, I was soon humbled  by the realization that my husband was rarely wrong on issues that mattered.  He was in the Word, he prayed about his leadership in the family. Yes, he might be at work all day, but when he walked through that door, he could tell if I had been neglecting to instruct or discipline in areas such as whining or prompt obedience. He could also tell if I'd been nagging  the kids.  My initial responses were due to wounded pride and I wasn't open to encouragement to improve my parenting.  It wasn't Daddy that was wrong, it was me.

If you've determined he is wrong, don't point it out in front of the kids. Present a united front as a team, deal with issues behind closed doors  in a way that honors the Lord.  Like we tell our little ones, "God can hear you!"

If his parenting or housekeeping methods are causing you extra work, talk to him.  Just don't sound like his mother. Find a way to make it easier for him to follow protocol.

When approaching a  on a small issue, use the sandwich method. Like with a real meal, give thanks first, pray for your husband, pray about the issue, then discuss.

Be sincere in your praise and thankfulness, effort is as admirable as ability.  But, if he's throwing the laundry from the dryer into in the laundry basket  and causing you hours of ironing, it's necessary to work out a solution together.

Occasionally the kids ask something and Scott and I will answer at the same time, but disagree. 

If I have no serious opinion, I will laugh and remind the kids - Daddy has veto power.

If I have opinion, I respectfully give it.  If we have disagreed publicly, it's fine to work it out gracefully in public. My husband married me because he loves and respects me.  He wants my opinions and doesn't want me silently nodding and following any and every decision.  At this point, he still has veto power.

For serious disagreements that require more conversation, Scott and I take it offline.  I'm not trying to show the kids  I can snake my way through daddy's heart and get my own way, I'm trying to show them Daddy is approachable and will admit when he's wrong or when there's a better idea. I'm also showing  my willingness to lovingly submit when I don't agree, because he still has veto power.

The goal in resolving a disagreement is not to always get my way, or to let my husband always have his way, but to move the family in the Lord's way.

When there is serious spiritual concern about the spiritual leadership of your home, it can't be solved with a candid conversation between a husband and a wife or with a casual approach.

1.  PrayTell the Lord instead of a friend.
2.  Pray some more. Remove your reactive sin before you approach his active sin.
3.  Pray until you pray. When you are grieved and understand your husband sins against a holy God and not against you, you might be ready to say something.
4.  Seek verses in the Scripture about the issue to make sure you have the mind of the Lord.
5.  Wait for the leading of the Holy Spirit if and when to bring up the conversation. Sometimes at this point I still pray, because I would rather have my husband changed by the Holy Spirit and not by my directive.
A conversation begun with these steps will have fruit, can bind your hearts closer together and impact your family.

Even when we're right about their behavior, if we pound on our husbands with self-righteous pride or give them ultimatums, we're wrong. Many times these steps  silence me before the Lord because I no longer see my husband's supposed error, I see mine. Other times, the Lord gives me patience to wait and watch Him work in my husband's life.  He's the One who began the good work, I can let Him finish.

A truly changed man is changed by the words of the Lord  and the faith of a praying wife, not the drips of a nagging wife. 

When I was young, we always bought shoes just a tish too big for "growing room."  It's not just kids' feet that need growing room, it's husbands. 

If you learn to wisely and correctly encourage your  husband when he's wrong, he'll not only increase in   praise and love for the Lord, he'll increase in  praise and love for you.


  1. Thanks again Mindy :) You always have something that my ears need to hear.

  2. ***thank you***. Again, very needed by this heart! Things I know, but need to be reminded of daily, so good to have it all laid out here!


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