Saturday, January 21, 2012

eat. sleep. breathe.

a friend gave my husband some good advice as
we traveled the last few weeks of
the Innocent Man's life before trial.

don't forget to sleep.
don't forget to eat.
don't forget to breathe.

for the past week through the trial i was barely able 
to eat or sleep.
if breathing didn't come naturally,  i'd be dead.

last night i found the t-shirt he wore his last day of freedom.
as i curled up in my bed at night,
hoping and praying to sleep enough to survive,
i  held it to my face,
comforted by his lingering scent.
i grieved the day when the scent would be gone,
and i would have no physical reminder
of his presence.

for hours i lay there in the dark,
exhausted, but unable to sleep.

the sound of silence in my ears
was like the static buzz of a tv off-station.

the heartbeat pounding in my ears
assured me i was still alive.
i've learned, the sound of a breaking heart
can keep you awake.

i was laying broken, lost and alone
in the deep well of my grief.

when i finally awoke from sleep broken
with agony and sorrow, i faced the first day
of life with the Innocent Man behind bars.

after being awake for a few hours,
i was able to eat more than saltines
for the first time in days.
 with the queasiness gone,
the first few bites tasted good.
but when i thought about what
the Innocent Man was eating,
i lost my appetite.
i kept eating because i needed to.
i have to survive.
i have to keep living.
but, the rest of my salad
tasted like sorrow.

i'm trying to

i'm trying to

and though gasping  sobs often overtake me,
i'm trying to


  1. I been where you are today and I know it hurts. God has a plan, with the Innocent Mans' faith in the Lord, his work is needed outside the comfort zone right now. It is hard for us to accept sometimes that God calls on us to do things, that we think we aren't cut to do. Where the Innocent Man sleeps tonight he is protected,he is doing Gods' Work. Sometimes we don't know why we are going through something until its' over. There is someone who needs the Innocent Mans' help more than you might right now. Take care of yourself, so you can continue to fight! I been praying for you and your loved ones everyday! You are Gods' child everything is going to be alright. I hope you get some rest and take comfort in knowing the angels are watching over the Innocent Man.

  2. I'm sorry for your deep grief. I wish it weren't so. You have invested so much into his life. Take joy that you did so much. Now if you can, leave him in God's hands. You have children and grandchildren that need you. And you need to take care of yourself. God will take care of the Innocent Man.

    May the God of all comfort bring comfort to all.

    Grandma Tea

  3. One other piece of advice:

    don't forget to look up.

    He has not deserted you.
    He still loves you all.
    Have to believe this
    cause we know
    its true.

  4. Oh Mindy... I wish I could say something that could help or cheer you. My words seem pathetic though in light of everything. We continue to pray earnestly for God's hand to lead and guide and for faith to be strong.
    Love you.

  5. I know no words can make the pain go away, although I wish there was something I could say. I've heard of amazing stories about how God moves mightily in prisons, and how people studied and grew mightily in the Lord. Yes, I know it will be incredibly hard for him, but I know he very well could grow to become a mighty warrior for the Lord. I pray that the Lord will envelop you with his peace. He has a mission for him, but God hasn't texted or emailed you exactly what that is. Take care, look up, and hold Jesus' hand. He will bring you forward one day at a time. I'm thinking of King David, when he lost his son and was consumed with grief. After the son died, he realized it was time to press forward. (But oh how I know it isn't easy!!!) God will do amazing things with him and through him. Some day you will look back at this and say, "Oh, now I understand what that was all about."

  6. Oh Mindy,
    Wrapping hugs and prayers 'round you...

  7. You will grieve this great loss,
    and rightly so. Then you will regroup and rebuild your life. A different life, but a life where there are good days, good people, love and smiles. It will happen. You WILL heal. You will discover what you can do and leave the rest in God's very capable hands. I join others in praying for you and also for Scott.

  8. Oh, sweet friend...I am praying. I don't know why our prayers weren't answered the way we wanted them to be answered...but I refuse to stop praying.

  9. eat, sleep, breathe. these are great reminders. I think the innocent man would want you to do that. The Lord is Sovereign. Not a hair falls from his head without God knowing. This too is somehow going to be used mightily and powerfully some day.

  10. In the midst of your pain, you are composing some POWERFUL posts. Wow! I will pray for encouragement and strength for you today. May the joy of the LORD be your strength.


Thank you so much for dropping by my blog. Your encouraging comments are much appreciated. I love hearing from others.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.