What I Really Wanted for Christmas

As always, my hubby and kids spoiled me with Christmas presents.

My kids are better shoppers than I am
and have this great ability to buy me wonderful things
I didn't know I needed,
and now suddenly I can't live without.
They keep me in style, up-to-date, primped, pampered and smellin' good.

They rose up and blessed me, all righty.

 I even received two stockings full of goodies.
My dear Bethany was worried Pops would forget,
as he has occasionally in the past,
but
 SHHHHHHH
you didn't hear that from me.

I might sound like an unthankful brat,
but as I thought about Christmas,
I had to admit there were some things I didn't get.

Things I really, really want.

Things I really, really need.

Things I feel like demanding by stomping my feet and raising my voice.
If it works for kids, (not MY kids, though)
 it should work for me, right?
Anyway, I kinda' think I deserve these gifts,
and they would make my life
so
much easier.

After all, life is going to be pretty tough
trying to eat up all the chocolate I was given this Christmas.

I decided to publically display my
 2012 Christmas Wish List
just in case anybody in my family wants to start shopping now.

What I Really Wanted for Christmas



*Self-Cleaning Fridge
Must also automatically disintegrate leftovers past their prime.

*Automatic-Flush Toilets
Should waft the scent of your choice into the air,
offering an array of scents, like rose, lavender, lilac, cedar and pine.
  Any smell except what you usually smell in a bathroom
would be acceptable.

*Boomerang Pens
Will be programmed to automatically return to the site
they were confiscated from.

*Gum
that never loses it flavor and is invisible to kids' eyes.

*Socks and Earrings
that mate for life.

*Books
that remember what page I'm on.


*A Chocolate Bar
that always has one more bite.


*A Roll of Toilet Paper
that always has enough for one more wipe,
especially when I'm the next person in the bathroom.


*Runless Nylons


*A Bottomless Cup of Coffee


*A Bottomless Tank of Gas


*Stealth Scissors
unseen to the eyes of the enemy children.


*A Hand-held Lie Detector Test
Should be able to program in an unlimited number of people
 without prior consent. Should read minds clearly even though
cleverly hidden in a shirt pocket or purse.
Can not be used on Parental Units.
Never.
Ever.
Ever.
Amen.


*Vehicular Motion Sensors
Will sound alarm when one offspring has unvaded
another offsrping's  territory.
Could also be mounted above bedroom doors.



*Voice Recognition Software
Will quickly interpret needs of child based on pitch, tone, and inflections
and coordinate answer with current bank account balance
and/or Mom's current mood.






So, not to be selfish or anything,
but family,
are you out there?

Are ya' reading my blog?

How 'bout gettin' on that shopping list?

Afterall, you have 361 shopping  days  to buy me


What I Really Wanted for Christmas.