Sunday, November 6, 2011

Ya' Know What My Hubby Just Did?!?!

When I was first married, I worked in a secular environment
and was soon exposed to the American sport of
"Husband Bashing."
It wasn't for the purpose of learning how to be a better wife
and learn to deal with some of those "husband issues,"
it was to ridicule them.

In one year, Scott and I were one of five couples who got married.
The women who spoke highly of their husbands are still married.

Not scientifically calculated, just an observation.

It's easy to be a Christian testimony by just
not talking negatively
about your husband.

Easy to preach,
hard to do.

Like all of you,
my husband can drive me crazy!
In all fairness, I drive him crazy, too,
and that's why we came up with this simple rule
early in our marriage.

We promised to never talk about
one another in a negative fashion.

Personal problems, fights and experiences in marriage are only to be shared
after resolution for the purpose of ministry and encouragement.

I talk and blog about him only
when my heart is right and I really don't  secretly wish
he had chosen another course of action.
Once I learned to laugh and enjoy my husband's craziness,
it blossomed more.
He's the sunshine of our family,
even though he
has bad manners,
leaves messy trails,
has an addiction,
does Redneck Repairs,
feeds my kids a lot of sugar,
got a parking ticket,
and can't make cookies.

 But there are things I will never share.

Why Not to Talk:
1. We erode the foundation of our husband's spiritual headship
when we share his faults in front of others.
It may be harder for your children, relatives and other believers
to value him as they should if you've share too many failings.

(I'm not talking about covering up sin that should be disciplined,
I'm talking about normal, every day type struggles and habits.)

2.  Talking may keep us from praying.
Our main duty when we see a fault or a struggle,
is to talk to the Lord constantly about the issue.
Talking to someone makes you feel better,
but won't change your husband. 
If only the Holy Spirit can provide the solution,
why not tell only Him the problem?

3. When we verbally disagree with a decision he's made and do it our way,
we teach our kids to get their own way behind Dad's back.
If a child has grown up with a mom who scorns her husband's guidance
or secretly finds ways to run things her own way when he's at work,
a child will do the same.
They'll  smile pleasantly to Dad's face, but defy behind his back.

Women may gossip under the guise of
sharing prayer requests.

An older woman, Carol, gave me the best advice
for handling this misguided spiritual activity.
When a woman starts sharing something about her husband
that's making you uncomfortable, stop her and say,
"Let's pray about this right now."

If she's sincere, she just found someone faithful
 to walk her through her trials and help her build a stronger marriage.
If she's wanted to gossip,  she won't come to you again.

Women may not share prayer requests because
they fear gossip.

Some women really are in troubled marriages.
Unfortunately, we've known Christian husbands that have struggled with
drinking, faithfulness, anger and abuse.

Especially during the times that a husband  like this won't seek help,
a woman desperately needs help.
She may be slow in opening up, because she fears others will
skip the "prayer" and focus on sharing the "request."

When to talk:
If you've prayed, searched the Scriptures, talked with hubby
and still don't have answer concerning how you should be handling your
part of the problem, you may need Biblical advice and encouragement.

Choose a woman you and your husband are comfortable with,
 who knows the Scriptures, won't share your confidences and will
 forgive your husband without holding a grudge.

(Unfortunately, there may be times is a woman's life,
when her health and  spiritual welfare are in danger
 and she needs to confide without her husband's approval or knowledge.)

Why To Talk

When you want to build up your husband,
teach your children what a good father they have,
make single women jealous :),
be a good testimony,
give a good spiritual example,
or make someone laugh,
then you  can tell hubby stories.

Then you have the right to exclaim,
"Ya' Know What My Hubby Just Did?"

Other blogs in a similar line

Dad, That's Not the Way You Do That!

What If Daddy IS Wrong?


Making your home sing Mondays


  1. AMEN! I have a similar story. A young girl I worked with said, "I can tell you have a good marriage, you don't talk bad about your husband. I know you will stay married." In contrast, we had a co-worker that always bashed her husband. They were divorced in less than 2 years. SO sad.

  2. Words of wisdom that so many need to hear. Marriage looks so depressing to the world - and ever a Believer if we dwell on all the divorces around us. Thanks for the encouragement of prayer and seeking the Lord and of course to not husband-bash.

  3. Wow! What a great post! I'm still in my first few years of marriage. We still have a lot of growing to do! This is one thing we will always practice as we've watched many (military) couples already reach their end in just a few years time with much of this gossip/negativity in tow. Can I also mention that we live in a world of TMI (too much information) and I feel that sometimes the marriage gossip/sharing is worse than it used to be?

  4. Great post! Whenever I blog about my husband or children I always ask them to read it and approve it. They always say they trust my judgment and don't need to read it, but I always ask them to.

    Sometimes it amazes me the way people talk about their husbands in front of other people (or the way some parents talk about their children).

    I have also noticed how some people will use facebook as a forum to bash and complain! I've even seen it occasionally on a blog.

    Facebook, etc., is not the place for that. None of us are perfect, and our families should be able to believe that their hearts, and their mistakes, are safe with us and not aired to the world.

    Thanks for linking up to Making Your Home Sing Monday!


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