Thanking As Much As Begging

Last year I taught my daughter

How to Not Nag a Husband.

Actually, I thought I was teaching her how to politely

cash in on a promise without being a dripping faucet.

Afterall, she wasn't asking her daddy

for something out of his control,

she was just asking for something he'd promised.

With my advice, she stopped greeting my husband

every

night at the front door asking,

"Daddy, when are you going to build my playhouse?"

 

She stopped waking him up

every

Saturday morning asking,

"Are you going to build my playhouse today?"

She just left signs everywhere.

It was quiet.

It wasn't nagging.

It worked.

We got what we wanted.

We have played, pretended, snacked, tea-partied our hearts out.

The loft holds a double mattress, so we have slumber parties

where we watch movies,  eat snacks,

chew gum instead of brushing our teeth before bed,

then fall asleep holding hands.

This little home her daddy prepared for us has been

a huge, huge, blessing.

 

One day, I was convicted to tears.

I did a great job of teaching Rebekah

 to ask her Daddy for an answer to a promise.

I didn't properly teach her to thank him.

Oh, we said thanks on more than one occasion.

She is delighted and will spontaneously hug and thank her Daddy.

She tells others how thankful she is for her Daddy.

But, our thanks didn't match the magnitude of

asking

or the magnitude of

blessing

 we'd received.

To remedy the situation,

Rebekah and I giggled and planned and shopped.

We invited Daddy to a party.

A big party.

On the colorful banner we wrote

Thank You.

Beka and her Guest of Honor.

Kisses of thanksgiving for the carpenter.

Let the festivities begin!

Scott's love language is hand-written cards.

(I know that's not exactly what the book says,

but it's exactly what he wants.)

Beka's handwritten words of love and gratitude.

This was his favorite part of the celebration.

So, you all know where I'm going with this,

doncha'?

Every day,

all day long,

 our Heavenly Father

fulfills His promises to us.

I'm convicted that my

prayers of thanksgiving

don't match the magnitude of

blessing received.

Hebrews 13:15
By Him therefore let us offer the

sacrifice of praise

 to God continually, that is,

the fruit of our lips
giving thanks

 to His Name.

Thank you, Daddy.

Thank you, Heavenly Father.

 

Ears Should Hear

  Yeah, the Lord created ears  to hear.

 

We know that.

Proverbs 20:12

The hearing ear and the seeing eye,
the LORD has made them both.

 Little kids know that.

 

Husbands don't always know that.

 

Well, husbands know ears are for hearing,

but I'm pretty sure they have a shut-off valve wired in their ears.
They know HOW to use their ears,
they like to decide WHEN to use them.

 
Little kids are obvious when they're  ignoring you.

 They keep their head down and

concentrate on their book, their toy,

or whatever they deem more important
than the avalanche of words falling off your tongue.

 

A husband isn't so obvious.

He'll smile and nod,
giving  monosyllabic words of affirmation,

so you think he's listening and agreeing.

It's only later when you reaffirm plans,  go spend the money,

or plan an outing,  he's busted.

Then the wife begins the quizzing, the drilling, the accusations.

"You never listen to me."
"What did I say about _______?"
"Who did I tell you called today?"
"When are we going out to dinner with the Smiths?"

 

 

As a young bride, I was devastated.

I had envisioned an adoring husband clinging to my every word.

As a young groom, I'm pretty sure he was devastated, too.

I don't think he envisioned having a young bride

who could talk the hind leg off a mule (name that movie)

and expect him to remember

every.

single.

word.

 

I learned a few things early on.

There are good reasons why a man doesn't listen,

and each wife has to figure out what turns the shut-off valve

in her husband's ears.

 

Once we both learned to apply what we knew

about communication, it became easier.

 

I've even trained the kids to look for that glassy look

in Daddy's eyes that tells them
the porch light's on,

but nobody's home.

Daddy might see lips moving and hear noises,

but he might not be listening.
He might still be at work.
He might be balancing the budget.
He might be planning a trip to Hawaii.
(Ya' never know, it could happen again!)

 

They are to politely and respectfully get Daddy's attention,

first his eyes,
then his ears,
then they can talk.

The Lord used a different method to make a man hear.

Mark 7:31-35
 "And He... put his fingers into his ears,
and he spit, and touched his tongue"


 I haven't tried that.
I thought about demanding a hearing test, but spitting is out of question.
 
 Prior to this healing, the Lord commanded three times in Mark
"If any man have ears to hear, let him hear."



I can joke about my husband's ears, but mine are no different.
The words go in the ear canal, but not always into the heart.
That's why the Lord had to give us this command.
He knew His people would have trouble listening to His Word.

Glassy-eyed,  we smile and nod our way through the Scriptures,
the words tickling our eardrums, but not impacting our lives.

We  should be that eager bride hanging onto every Word,
doncha' think?

Well, doncha'?

Hey, are you listening to me?
 

Ya' Know What My Hubby Just Did?!?!

When I was first married, I worked in a secular environment

and was soon exposed to the American sport of
"Husband Bashing."

It wasn't for the purpose of learning how to be a better wife
and learn to deal with some of those "husband issues,"
it was to ridicule them.

In one year, Scott and I were one of five couples who got married.
The women who spoke highly of their husbands are still married.

Not scientifically calculated, just an observation.

It's easy to be a Christian testimony by just
not talking negatively
about your husband.

Easy to preach,

hard to do.

Like all of you,

my husband can drive me crazy!

In all fairness, I drive him crazy, too,

and that's why we came up with this simple rule

early in our marriage.

We promised to never talk about
one another in a negative fashion.

Personal problems, fights and experiences in marriage are only to be shared

after resolution for the purpose of ministry and encouragement.

I talk and blog about him only
when my heart is right and I really don't  secretly wish
he had chosen another course of action.
Once I learned to laugh and enjoy my husband's craziness,
it blossomed more.
He's the sunshine of our family,
even though he
has bad manners,
leaves messy trails,
has an addiction,
does Redneck Repairs,
feeds my kids a lot of sugar,
got a parking ticket,
and can't make cookies.

 But there are things I will never share.

Why Not to Talk:
1. We erode the foundation of our husband's spiritual headship
when we share his faults in front of others.
It may be harder for your children, relatives and other believers
to value him as they should if you've share too many failings.

(I'm not talking about covering up sin that should be disciplined,
I'm talking about normal, every day type struggles and habits.)

2.  Talking may keep us from praying.
Our main duty when we see a fault or a struggle,
is to talk to the Lord constantly about the issue.
Talking to someone makes you feel better,
but won't change your husband. 
If only the Holy Spirit can provide the solution,
why not tell only Him the problem?

3. When we verbally disagree with a decision he's made and do it our way,
we teach our kids to get their own way behind Dad's back.
If a child has grown up with a mom who scorns her husband's guidance
or secretly finds ways to run things her own way when he's at work,
a child will do the same.
They'll  smile pleasantly to Dad's face, but defy behind his back.

Women may gossip under the guise of
sharing prayer requests.

An older woman, Carol, gave me the best advice
for handling this misguided spiritual activity.
When a woman starts sharing something about her husband
that's making you uncomfortable, stop her and say,
"Let's pray about this right now."

If she's sincere, she just found someone faithful
 to walk her through her trials and help her build a stronger marriage.
If she's wanted to gossip,  she won't come to you again.


Women may not share prayer requests because

they fear gossip.

Some women really are in troubled marriages.
Unfortunately, we've known Christian husbands that have struggled with
drinking, faithfulness, anger and abuse.

Especially during the times that a husband  like this won't seek help,
a woman desperately needs help.
She may be slow in opening up, because she fears others will
skip the "prayer" and focus on sharing the "request."

When to talk:

If you've prayed, searched the Scriptures, talked with hubby

and still don't have answer concerning how you should be handling your
part of the problem, you may need Biblical advice and encouragement.

Choose a woman you and your husband are comfortable with,

 who knows the Scriptures, won't share your confidences and will

 forgive your husband without holding a grudge.

(Unfortunately, there may be times is a woman's life,
when her health and  spiritual welfare are in danger
 and she needs to confide without her husband's approval or knowledge.)

Why To Talk

When you want to build up your husband,
teach your children what a good father they have,
make single women jealous :),
be a good testimony,
give a good spiritual example,
or make someone laugh,
then you  can tell hubby stories.

Then you have the right to exclaim,
"Ya' Know What My Hubby Just Did?"


**********
Other blogs in a similar line

Dad, That's Not the Way You Do That!

What If Daddy IS Wrong?

**********

When the Hubby Helps

Sometimes, my husband is a little ....

...ummm.....

how do I describe him?

Let me count the ways...

Silly?

Crazy?

Entertaining?

Free spirited?

He's

indescribable

and

undefinable.

But, I fell in love with him,

and the kids like having him around,

so that makes him a keeper.

And when he helps in the kitchen

while being silly,

it makes it even better.

Yea, that's my Chex bowl, but it works for cupcakes, too.

Much to the chagrin of all my food-blogging friends,

I used box mixes for making cupcakes for Graduation.

And, I'm not hiding that fact.

I was running out of time and energy while planning and preparing.

Hubby knew  was a little stressed.

He doesn't like me stressed.

Only he calls it crabby.

Ouch.

So, he became a man of action.

He ripped into my box mixes and started throwing ingredients together.

When he started schlepping the dough into my

color-coordinated mini cupcake papers,

I was a little worried.

I wanted the cupcakes to be the perfect size

for decorating and displaying in my cupcake holders.

I don't like drizzled splotches on the edges of my muffin pans.

I don't like lopsided cupcakes.

I tried to give him a few pointers,

and he politely pointed me out of the kitchen.

Nobody likes a backseat  cook,

especially Mr. P.

I knew it!

Without my advice,

my tips,

my ideas,

my superior way of doing things,

they turned out fine.

That always happens.

Sometimes wives don't have enough confidence in their husbands.

We think they should do things around the house,

but do things our way.

(OK - you all know I'm talking about myself,

but nobody wants to be wrong alone,

so I'm inviting you along.)

It takes a mature woman to

let go

and let her husband

help

in his own way.

YES, it still IS help

if your hubby doesn't do it YOUR way. 

I ended up eating humble pie,

while Mr. Scott sampled one of his

"perfect"

mini cupcakes.

Chocolate and vanilla cupcakes,

ready to go into the freezer

to decorate the afternoon of the open house.

They're cooled and placed in Tupperware containers,

with layers of waxed paper between.

They can be frozen for several months.

I used about half for Graduation,

half for company desert a few weeks later.

To show he's not gloating over his success,

he made a smiley face for me.

And, he made me smile.

The day of our celebration, I took the cupcakes out of the freezer.

I had purchased butter cream frosting from a party store

with a cake decorating kiosk in the back.

It was the same price as the tubs in the store,

but tastes delicious!

I used the gel food colorings to make the frosting

pink, purple and yellow.

A large swirl tip was chosen, the bag filled,

and with a quick, continuous swirl,

the cupcakes were frosted.

No perfection allowed in my house anymore,

I have to choose the more red-neck affirmation of

"get 'er dun!"

I didn't get a close-up of the cupcakes,

so click on the pic to enlarge and see them more clearly.

Thanks to Mr. P's uncoached help in the kitchen,

the cupcakes were a hit.

We "got 'em dun!" ~

his way.

Honey Dun Did the Honey Do

It was one of

t h o s e

days.

The kinda' day where everything that

could go wrong

does go wrong.

My keyboard stopped working correctly.

This is how it interpreted my typing.

aves

Our


Kids…………………………………………………………………….nk,


They


Won't


Drink……………………………………………………………………..ear,


They


Won't swear……………………………………………………………………….e


The


Word,

Not cool for a woman who's #1 love language

is computer language.

I carefully unscrewed a few screws and took the keyboard apart

enough to clean it out.

I discovered a  battery had exploded.

Using a bajillion q-tips and rubbing alcohol,

I carefully cleaned the entire keyboard. 

It took over an hour.

An hour I really didn't have to spare.

When it still didn't work,

I figured it was some dumb little lever or button

my hubby would touch and it would magically work again.

That usually happens.

So I waited until he came home,

expecting my keyboard to be good as new shortly.

He didn't pry it apart as carefully as I did.

His screwdriver became a class one lever

and  he sent pieces flying everywhere.

Safety goggles should have been worn.

He wasn't paying attention, either.

Doesn't he know that men aren't good at multi-tasking?

He dun broke it.

Yea, "OOPS" is an understatement.

My keyboard wouldn't even repeat letters.

It couldn't even throw in kajillions of extra periods.

I realized I was at an important crossroads in our marriage.

If I criticized him too much,

even if I spoke the truth, 

he wouldn't feel motivated to fix my dryer

that also broke that day.

He certainly wouldn't go for broke on the entire

Honey-Do List.

If I praised him too much,

he might be over-confident

and fix my dryer the same way he fixed my keyboard.

So, I went for middle ground.

I thanked him for trying.

Husbands like to be fed honest appreciation and praise.

Like with kids,

effort has to count.

Remember that.

Effort, not just outcome, counts.

With laugher, and an online order for a new keyboard,

we headed downstairs.

I was called back to admire his handiwork.

An important little piece had broken off,

so he pulled the guts forward,

clamped it.

Now, once you turn it on,

it's always on,

even when you open the door.

You shut it off by turning the button to off.

It's a bit red-neck,but it works.

It really, really works.

Since I don't want to buy a new dryer until I

absolutely have to

I was thrilled.

I didn't have to take the middle ground this time,

I really praised my honey,

who dun did two things on my Honey-Do List.

Brawling Women

Proverbs 21:9 

It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop,

than with a brawling woman in a wide house.

 

A "brawling woman" sounds like someone who had a few too

many barley pops at the local tavern and is giving out knuckle sandwiches.

The Lord isn't describing a Christian wife, is He?

If "brawling" doesn't indicate a bar fight, let's look into the meaning.

"Contentious" is the word chosen in New KJV translation.

 NIV  translated it "quarrelsome."

In the Bible Knowledge Commentary, it says a man would prefer

living on a corner of a housetop

"where one can at least have peace and quiet

rather than in a spacious home with an

argumentative, contentious wife.  

A wife who causes strife

makes a home unpleasant and undesirable."

Putting yourself in the picture yet? 

I am.

 

I guess the "corner of the house" has been replaced with

current sayings like

"being in the doghouse"

"sleeping on the couch"

"being in hot water"

but a wife's reputation to be cranky remains the same.

Yea, that's my husband on the corner of the house.

No, I wasn't being contentious (this time), he was putting up Christmas lights.

But, this picture makes me think about the Biblical admonitions.

Men fight with their fists, women fight with their tongues.

Pr. 19:13, "And the contentions of a wife are a continual dripping."

Pr. 27:15, "A continual dripping on a very rainy day

And a contentious woman are alike."

Pr. 21:19, "Better to dwell in the wilderness,

than with a contentious and angry woman."

Wow. 

The Lord really understands women, right?

He also understands men.

1 Peter 3:1-2

"Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own husbands,

that even if some do not obey the word, they,

without a word,

 may be won by the conduct of their wives,

when they observe your chaste conduct accompanied by fear.

Did you read that middle line?

Without a word.

Without.

A.

Word.

Men don't like to be nagged.
You don't win when you nag.
Oh, and it's coupled with submission.

Does that mean you never have a say?

No.

Our husbands married us because they admire our faith and our brains.

They want those faith and brains in action.

Does that mean you'll always win?

No.

Do you want to, anyway? 

Didn't you marry him because of his faith and brains?

We can't have the dripping faucet kinda' action.

Or the kind of action that sends him to the

21st century variation of the "corner of the house."

The action where you wisely state your opinion,

allow him to state his opinion,

then pray,

especially if your opinions differ,
until you have an agreed upon course of action.

We "win" when we
walk in the Lord's will as a couple.

We need to keep our husbands off the roofs.

It's safer inside, anyway.

**********
Want to read more about husbands?

Dad! That's Not the Way You Do That!

What if Daddy is Wrong?

Daddy's Way is Funner

Truly Romantic

We celebrated Valentine's Day in our usual way, with the family gathered in the living room with the youngest child, Rebekah, passing out the messages of love from our special box.

In the early years, we made the traditional Valentine's box embellished with  hearts, glitter and stickers by the kids. About five years ago, I went for the idea of creating a lifetime family tradition - having a box we used year after year.  I decorate for this holiday and leave all the adorable hearts up for two more weeks, when we celebrate our wedding anniversary.

My husband fulfilled all my romantic ideals by buying flowers for me on Friday, so I  could enjoy them all weekend.

                                

But, on Valentine's Day, it wasn't that flowers that proved his love for me.  They were a beautiful reminder, and I was very appreciative.  Their sight and smell speak to me each time I walk by them.  I realized, though, that even if he hadn't purchased me the traditional dozen red long-stemmed roses, I would have still felt his powerful love for me.

I have learned to see his love in a million different ways throughout the week.

He has cooked for me almost every evening of my low-iodine diet.

He send me love messages during the day by email or by IM.

He senses my moods and acts accordingly to what I need - hugs, alone time, listening or talking.

He reads my blogs and says often, "This is the best one yet!"

He fathers the kids in a way that makes me love him more.

He reads his Bible so he can lead us in the paths of righteousness.

He prays for me.

He looks at me and I just know I am cherished.

The roses are a beautiful affirmation of what he daily proves, not a guilty purchase to make up for a day, a week, a month or a year of bad behavior.  They are never a guilt offering, they are a love offering.

But, it was this present that made me feel the most loved.

                                               

When one of crazy little monkeys had a sudden onslought of the stomach flu, and threw up all the way to the bathroom and all over the bathroom, he wiped it up.

Never in my wildest imagination, as a single woman longing for that Prince to sweep me off my feet, did I imagine wiping up vomit would be a qualitication for the Perfect Man.  My hubby even has held the bedpan for me as I puked my way through several hospital visits for cancer.

Single women - take note.  Can you imagine the guy you have your eye on wiping up vomit?  Hmmmm....maybe you should keep looking.

There is no wistful daisy-petal-pulling in my world - I only have to use one line from the poem.

He loves me.
He loves me.
He loves me.
He loves me.

And I love him, too.

Thank you for a special Valentine's weekend, honey!

In case you were wondering how I got that picture of the roses.

Guess I can never yell at the kids for standing on the dining room table again.

So, I'm starting a new week  focusing on the love my husband and I have for each other in the Lord.

Ecclesiastes 4:12, "Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

That's all I need to  pull me through another Monday and another week, ready and willing to accept whatever the week brings - a cord of three.

(Pop over to visit Nan on Making Your Home Sing Monday to see what other moms are doing to start the week off right.)