Ya' Know What SHE Just Did?

We talked about talking about our kids.
We talked about talking about our hubbies.
It's time to talk about talking about other people.
Ya' know, the gossiping kinda' talking.

You can hear the snear in the voice when someone says,
"Ya' know what she just did?"

 

I know you all just repeated this to yourselves,

didn't you?

Although when you say "he" and "she,"

 with scorn it sounds more like

"HEuh" and "SHEuh."

By using this tone of voice,

nothing more needs to be said.
 Negative feelings have been induced.

Sometimes, we use this trick while sharing a story

and we don't want to appear to be a gossip.
We think we're telling the story in a way that
doesn't seem to like we're disapproving,

but the inflection and the look we use

when we say, for example,
 "Mother-in-Law"
tells it's own story. 

 

Why Do We Gossip?

1. It's a way of comparing ourselves.

We feel better about ourselves

by finding a fault with someone else,

especially if we think their fault bigger than ours.

Remember that speck and log thing?

Women are good at this.

When we see another woman,

we judge her hair, makeup, clothing and figure,
mostly to see how she measures against ourself.

To spiritualize this activity,

Christians judge one another's hospitality,

the obedience of their children, their submission

or the fruit of their ministry.

A lot of ugly words can be used when there's a failure

to recognize the sin for what it is - jealousy.

 

2.  We like the feeling of being a star reporter,

and being the first one to have the scoop.

This is great when someone has a baby

or just got married,

but save the scoop for news worth having your name attached.

If I don't want to hear,

"Momma Mindy said ____________,"

I don't say it.

3.  We rejoice in someone's failings,

especially if they've harmed us or if we had predicted

their moral failings with our astute observations and discernment.

Proverbs 24:17

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,

And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;

4.  We feel spiritual pride

because we think our holiness is holier

or our convictions are more convicting

or we know the Bible better.

5.  We gossip about a person

when we're failing to pray for that person.

It's hard to talk about someone when you're sincerely  praying
to the Lord for their faith, their life and their blessing.

We can talk to people about people,

or we can talk to the Lord about people.

The first will destroy lives,

and harm our testimony.

The second will build up lives

and give us a God-honoring testimony.

Remember, the tongue is the rudder,

to steer away from the rocky shore.

The Lighthouse will illuminate the danger zone.

Ya' Know What My Hubby Just Did?!?!

When I was first married, I worked in a secular environment

and was soon exposed to the American sport of
"Husband Bashing."

It wasn't for the purpose of learning how to be a better wife
and learn to deal with some of those "husband issues,"
it was to ridicule them.

In one year, Scott and I were one of five couples who got married.
The women who spoke highly of their husbands are still married.

Not scientifically calculated, just an observation.

It's easy to be a Christian testimony by just
not talking negatively
about your husband.

Easy to preach,

hard to do.

Like all of you,

my husband can drive me crazy!

In all fairness, I drive him crazy, too,

and that's why we came up with this simple rule

early in our marriage.

We promised to never talk about
one another in a negative fashion.

Personal problems, fights and experiences in marriage are only to be shared

after resolution for the purpose of ministry and encouragement.

I talk and blog about him only
when my heart is right and I really don't  secretly wish
he had chosen another course of action.
Once I learned to laugh and enjoy my husband's craziness,
it blossomed more.
He's the sunshine of our family,
even though he
has bad manners,
leaves messy trails,
has an addiction,
does Redneck Repairs,
feeds my kids a lot of sugar,
got a parking ticket,
and can't make cookies.

 But there are things I will never share.

Why Not to Talk:
1. We erode the foundation of our husband's spiritual headship
when we share his faults in front of others.
It may be harder for your children, relatives and other believers
to value him as they should if you've share too many failings.

(I'm not talking about covering up sin that should be disciplined,
I'm talking about normal, every day type struggles and habits.)

2.  Talking may keep us from praying.
Our main duty when we see a fault or a struggle,
is to talk to the Lord constantly about the issue.
Talking to someone makes you feel better,
but won't change your husband. 
If only the Holy Spirit can provide the solution,
why not tell only Him the problem?

3. When we verbally disagree with a decision he's made and do it our way,
we teach our kids to get their own way behind Dad's back.
If a child has grown up with a mom who scorns her husband's guidance
or secretly finds ways to run things her own way when he's at work,
a child will do the same.
They'll  smile pleasantly to Dad's face, but defy behind his back.

Women may gossip under the guise of
sharing prayer requests.

An older woman, Carol, gave me the best advice
for handling this misguided spiritual activity.
When a woman starts sharing something about her husband
that's making you uncomfortable, stop her and say,
"Let's pray about this right now."

If she's sincere, she just found someone faithful
 to walk her through her trials and help her build a stronger marriage.
If she's wanted to gossip,  she won't come to you again.


Women may not share prayer requests because

they fear gossip.

Some women really are in troubled marriages.
Unfortunately, we've known Christian husbands that have struggled with
drinking, faithfulness, anger and abuse.

Especially during the times that a husband  like this won't seek help,
a woman desperately needs help.
She may be slow in opening up, because she fears others will
skip the "prayer" and focus on sharing the "request."

When to talk:

If you've prayed, searched the Scriptures, talked with hubby

and still don't have answer concerning how you should be handling your
part of the problem, you may need Biblical advice and encouragement.

Choose a woman you and your husband are comfortable with,

 who knows the Scriptures, won't share your confidences and will

 forgive your husband without holding a grudge.

(Unfortunately, there may be times is a woman's life,
when her health and  spiritual welfare are in danger
 and she needs to confide without her husband's approval or knowledge.)

Why To Talk

When you want to build up your husband,
teach your children what a good father they have,
make single women jealous :),
be a good testimony,
give a good spiritual example,
or make someone laugh,
then you  can tell hubby stories.

Then you have the right to exclaim,
"Ya' Know What My Hubby Just Did?"


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Other blogs in a similar line

Dad, That's Not the Way You Do That!

What If Daddy IS Wrong?

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