Monkey See, Monkey Do

Yesterday, I introduced the first of the
 2 things
I had to learn about
 raising my adorable monkeys.

#1 They have a sin nature.

I called this,
Monkey Be, Monkey Do.

Monkeys don't need to see to do,
monkeys do because monkeys are.

However, in addition to their own sin nature,
our kids have another downfall to their behavior.

Thus, we venture on to point #2.

2. Their parents have a sinful nature. 
( I included my husband because I don't want to take all the blame. )

Even with the new nature that comes through salvation,
the old man still shows up.

I have a temper.

I am not always kind.

Sometimes I gossip.

 I harbor bitterness in my heart.

I can be a bad example.

A memory from my early years  in parenting still sears my heart.

I was frustrated with something and slammed a kitchen cupboard door.
Really hard.
Really, really, hard.

The sturdy wood made a resounding bang that soothed my ruffled soul.

It felt good, until my little precious toddler waddled over to the same cupboard door,

slammed it, then looked up to me with a few-toothed smile, waiting for my approval.

Instead, she broke my heart.

I wondered how I would survive parenting

when I couldn't even survive my own sinful self.

Twenty years later, I'm still wondering.

Only now, I live in a house where the cupboards are plastic and pressboard,

and when I slammed a drawer shut soon after we moved in, it broke.

My husband has fixed it several times,

but the awkwardness of the drawer and the dried dripping glue

is an ugly insight into to my own soul.

I have grown, but not enough.

But, lest we become discouraged and throw ourselves down in disgust,
there's hope,

it's called forgiveness.

The Lord doesn't call perfect people
to become parents,
He calls parents
to become perfect people.

The book of James explains we become perfect through trials.
That's why the same things happen over and over.
We face it until we conquer it.

It's a hard job,
being a sinner
raising sinners
to not sin
against a holy and mighty God.

Isn't it wonderful
our holy and mighty God
helps us not sin
while raising sinners
to not sin?




Sometimes, it means confessing sin.

Sometimes, it means apologizing to our children.

Sometimes, it means confessing to our husbands and asking for prayer.

Sometimes, it means asking an older woman for help, encouragement, advice.

As we deal with our sin,
we teach our children how to deal with theirs.

If we try to gloss over it and blame it on hormones or lack of sleep,

we'll teach them to do the same.

If we harm relationships and don't heal them,
we'll teach them to do the same.

If we don't forgive others when they sin against us,

we'll teach our children to not forgive us when we sin against them.

So, there's hope,
there's joy,
 there's a way to bring
 the Lord glory in all our failings.

 

As our precious little monkeys
see us
turn to the Lord for forgiveness and strength,
they will
do
the same thing.


Because Monkey See, Monkey Do.

Monkey Be, Monkey Do

We say

"Monkey See, Monkey Do"

 when we're admiring our clever children

mimicking a behavior they witnessed.

We also  say
"Monkey See, Monkey Do"

when we blame other kids for wrongly influencing our darlings' behavior.

It took me a few years to understand 2 things clearly
about raising my adorable little monkeys.
Monkeys don't always have to see to do.

 

1. They have a  sin nature.

Psalm 51:5

"Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me."

Some behaviors are learned, some acquired, but the nature of sin begins at birth.

Since Adam and Eve sinned in the garden,

all mankind has been born with the same fallen nature.

 

In other words, the monkeys don't always have to see because

"Monkey Be, Monkey Do."

 

Theologically, I believed in the sin nature, but I didn't understand.


I was surprised when my adorable babies grew up
and were selfish, had tempers, pouted, stole, hit, bit and refused to share toys.
I thought the better Christian I was, the better parent I would be
and the better my children would be.
Actively pursuing the Christian faith only took care of MY sin nature, not theirs.

 

One day my husband came home to a disillusioned, sad, stressed-out mother.
I was down that my kids were SO naughty.
As I related the struggles of the day, he looked at me and simply said,
 "They're just doing their job. They're sinners."

It was an epiphany.
 I expected my kids to be good and was disappointed when they weren't.
So, if their job was to sin,
my job was to train, instruct, correct and love them.

Changing behavior won't happen overnight.
It won't be easy.
Some kids may struggle with an area of sin their entire life.

Until the spirit of God indwells them through salvation
that comes through faith in Christ, and gives them power over sin,
it's our job to help them navigate those struggles.


They can graciously learn,
just because they  be, they don't have to do.




~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Tomorrow, we'll talk about the 2nd lesson I learned ~
that one about who the monkeys are imitating the most.

 

Multi-tasking Momma

Moms are busy.

Moms have kids that always need Nummies in their Tummies

because they're Mindless Eating Machines.

Moms have kids that need to often be reminded

I Think I Can!

Moms have kids that Cry, Sneeze, Barf, Fart and make Annoying Sounds.

Moms sometimes have to yell at their husbands,

Engage Bob!

Moms know There's Nothing More Toxic or Deadly Than a Human Child.

We sometimes don't dare enter their rooms.

.

So, when Moms can't

ESCAPE

(EH SCOP AY)

their busy lives and the To-Do-Lists that go to

Infinity and Beyond,

 they have to multi-task.

I used an acrylic cookbook stand to hold the Science text

so I could read Rebekah's lesson out loud.

Business shirts were ironed,

and Algebra questions from the teenage boy answered.

I made a few trips downstairs to throw another load in the washer

and pull out meat from the freezer for dinner.

It was one of those rare Super Mom kinda' days,

where I accomplished so much, I felt like a Superhero.

Now, if I could just muster up enough energy for the sequel...

Training Toddlers to be Teens

On Friday, I blogged my heart.  Why is Mothering so Hard?

On Saturday, I read a blog from a wonderful mom of four young kids who had one of THOSE days.  You know those days, when little fingers get into so many things, you don't have time to recover from one episode, before another drama unfolds before your eyes?  Those days when you wonder how someone not able to even speak in sentences can render you into the same condition.  Yea, one of those days.

Her blog made me miss little kids so much, it took me a few minutes to remember the overwhelmed feeling that often accompanied those little blessings.

I still have those days, but not with those kind of trials.
My kids now read books, not just throw them off the shelves or eat them.

My children no longer unwind a whole roll of toilet paper just for fun.  Not saying they've mastered hanging a roll of toilet paper, but I haven't seen this scene for years.

The kids are driving larger, more expensive vehicles we have to insure and fill with gas.  Road rage is absolutely NOT tolerated.

I miss little kids.  Having a "baby" who's 8 going on 24 is not the same as being the mom of a baby or a toddler. I love my kids at every stage, but I miss those early years.

I miss little problems.  I miss the simplicity of wiping up spills and putting away a bajillion Legos for the kajillionth time.  At the time these problems seemed so hard, and they were, but now seem so simple compared to the situations we face now.

As I look back on those early years, there is more than just love of little ones tearing at my heart.  There's regret.  I didn't completely understand what I was doing.

I loved what I was doing.  I planned to be a mom.  I prayed faithfully.  I studied the Bible.  I asked older women questions.  I was in my element, serving in the career I had chosen - MOTHERHOOD.

But, somehow, I missed out on some important aspects of parenting.  I didn't understand the small problems, like spilled milk,  were preparing me for larger problems.

I also didn't understand I needed to handle my children's small problems in a way that would build trust and confidence so they'd come to me with their bigger problems. Over reacting and ungodly anger can prove inability to handle their problems.  If you're faithful in little issues, you'll be prove faithful in larger issues.
Do you want your teenager to come to you and confess the true details of how they dented your car? Be patient and gracious now when they tell you how they broke your glass or your vase.  Yes, they still might be reprimanded  for playing ball in the house, but they have to know you value their right standing with the Lord and their safety more than your possessions.

Do you want your teenager to come to you and discuss all friendship/relationship problems? Begin now training their relationship skills and your listening skills in dealing with their sibling confrontations.  Hear both sides.  Teach them to confess and ask for forgiveness.  Let them know that nothing they tell you will freak you out.  Allow them to entrust their relationship problems to you.

Do you want a teenager to admit to their weaknesses?  Don't deride and rail on them for their weaknesses as children.  Have a bed wetter or one hard to poddy train?  Be patient.  Be encouraging.  Be supportive.  Even when you have washed the bedding for the third night in a row, bite your tongue. Do you have a child prone to stealing?  Lying?  The goodness of God leads to repentance, deal with them with firmness and a determination to find the truth, but in a spirit of grace and not offended anger. But, let them trust you with their weaknesses.

Picture how you want your children to act as teenagers and young adults.  Then trace backwards to the stage they're at now.  Pray for wisdom, and ask the Lord to show you how to root out sin in their life, teach them to apply the Word of God to their weaknesses and help them grow into that godly young adult you envisioned.

I Thessalonians 5:14

"Now we exhort you, brethren,

warn those who are unruly,

comfort the fainthearted,

uphold the weak,

be patient with all."

Motherhood, despite having those days, is still the best job I've ever loved.

Shades of Friendship and Family

“There is a road from the eye to heart

that does not go through the intellect.”

G. K. Chesterton

(My daughter, Grace, and friends in friend Melissa's face.)

A true friend can see the part 

inside of you others can't.

The best part of that internal vision?

They appreciate the intimate glimpse into your heart,

and will cherish and cultivate the treasures

and bind and heal the brokenness.

(My husband mirrored in my eyes.)

The longer you are married,

the more you are the mirrored reflection of the other person.

Your hearts, minds and souls combine in a beautiful unity

of companionship, purpose and love.

Make sure you marry someone

you want to end up

looking like,

talking like,

acting like,

and thinking like.

(Beka, the baby of the family, loves her Mommy and Daddy.)

Right now Beka is convinced she will live with us forever.

Being our daughter is the most important role

in her life right now.

She can't imagine being anything else.

She doesn't understand yet,

that we'll always be her parents,

even though other significant relationships will enter her heart.

We'll just move into her peripheral vision.

(Son, Jon, keeping his eyes on sisters and parents.)

I know he will grow up, go to college, get a job,

maybe have his own family,

even though he swears he will NEVER marry.

But, as he ventures out in the

ocean of uncertaintly and adventure,

we'll always be on the shore,

a small, bright beacon of light,

beckoning slowly and steadily,

in case he needs a course correction.

No matter where they go,

what they do,

or who they are with,

I will always have my eye on them....

reflected through through the lens of my camera.





(reprinted from 3-2010)