Friday, April 22, 2011

Why is Mothering So Hard?

For years we  primarily looked after ourselves. Yes, we served others, but in the timing and way WE chose.   Some of us taught Sunday school, Bible studies or worked with youth groups.  We might have babysat, worked with Daily Vacation Bible school or a kids Bible club ministry.  We might have even been very, very active in working with younger people, but it was usually according to OUR schedule.

Now, as a Mom, there is no timing, no control. 24/7 you're on call for the needs, desires and even wants of your kids. It can be tiring. It can be utterly exhausting

It can be hard to discern at 2am if the cry is a need to be fulfilled, or a want to be ignored. Answer their cry or let them cry it out? Pick them up and comfort them or let them learn to comfort themselves back to sleep?

 When do you stop what you're doing, intervene in a situation, and when do you ignore?

 When do you make them eat, and when do you allow them not to? When do YOU eat?  When do you play with them and when do you make them entertain themselves?

I don't think I initially understood that
parenting is setting myself aside and putting my children first.

I saw them as an addition to my life, not my entire life. I loved my children.  I wanted a houseful of children.  I just didn't know how much I would have to give.

I quickly learned. Fulfilling their basic needs took way more than I expected  I'd need to give.  Time for Mommy to read, craft, sew, bake, visit, shop and talk on the phone could not come first. Sometimes it was an easy sacrifice because I love babies and small children so much, and was thrilled to have my own.  Sometimes, it was a hard sacrifice.

Why is Mothering so hard?

It showed more ugly than I expected was beneath the surface.

I never expected to get impatient with a little one who whined just because they wanted to be held in my arms, again.

I never expected to be frustrated that a little one couldn't master a new skill that would relieve me, even slightly, of some of the burden of their care.

I never expected my heart to be cold to the cry of a little one, just because my bed was so warm. It wasn't always with a joyful heart that I bounded out of bed to pick up a precious little one.

I never expected that every sin hidden in the corners of my heart, mind, body and soul would be stirred to the surface by these precious little ones entrusted to my care. 

I never expected it, but the Lord did. That's why He allowed it.

 Why is Mothering so hard?  Because Fathering is so hard!

I also learned God the Father is never impatient when I need to be held in His arms, again.

I also learned He is infinitely patient when I can't master the victory over sin that would relieve Him some of the burden of my care.

I also learned when I cry out to Him in the darkest of night, He never sleeps nor slumbers.

I also learned that whatever ugly sins are stirred to the surface during my parenting, He will cleanse and send them as far as the east is from the west.

I never expected it, but the Lord did.  That's why He allowed it.


  1. Yes. How this resonates with me.

  2. I had just asked myself this very question this afternoon. My kindergartner has been getting in trouble at school for scuffles w/ one little boy. I asked him why he was fighting and he said the other little boy keeps hitting him, so he hits him back. I told him to go tell the teacher when someone hits him, not to fight back. He started to cry and said, "Then no one will be my friend if I'm a tattler."
    My heart broke. I don't want him in trouble, but I want him to have friends. How do you help them find the right friends?

  3. The heartache of ages, one I still suffer with my older kids living at home - the need and longing for a close friend. I ache for your situation Melissa, and can only say PRAY! When my kids finally find a friend from a Christian family, I go to great lengths to make sure they have time together. It can be exhausting adding that to your life, but it is SO worth it! Keep praying!

  4. AMEN!

    I'll never forget the years of infertility that made my arms ache. I once saw a family walking into a store, and the mother was ignoring the whine and fuss of her toddler. I thought, "I'll never ignore my children like that!"...MAN, did I get a wake up call when God filled my arms...this is SUCH a hard job. I fail daily, and pray that tomorrow I will have the strength to do better.

  5. Thanks Mindy. Sometimes I think you write your blogs directly to me. I thank the Lord for things you share from your heart ~ you are helping this young Mom a lot. :)


Thank you so much for dropping by my blog. Your encouraging comments are much appreciated. I love hearing from others.

Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.