Momma Monkey and her Monkies Say Sorry

I love monkeys.

Since I couldn't have monkeys,

too cold in Montana,

or so my first grade teacher lectured me,

I had children.

Momma Mindy's Monkies

they're affectionately called.

Yes, I spell that wrong on purpose.

I think it's cute.

Anyhoo,

I talked about my monkies' sin nature in

Monkey Be, Monkey Do.

I talked about parents' sin nature in

Monkey See, Monkey Do.

 

Need some inspiration for apologizing to your monkeys?

Need some inspiration to teach your monkeys how to apologize?

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"A stiff apology is a second insult...

The injured party does not want to be compensated

because he has been wronged;

he wants to be healed because he has been hurt."

Gilbert K. Chesterton

"Right actions in the future are the best apologies
for bad actions in the past."

Tryon Edwards

"In some families, please is described as the magic word.

In our house, however, it was sorry."

Margaret Laurence

"Never ruin an apology with an excuse."

Kimberly Johnson

"Keep your words soft and tender because tomorrow you may have to eat them."

Author Unknown

Apology is a lovely perfume; it can transform

the clumsiest moment into a gracious gift.

Margaret Lee Runbeck

An apology is the superglue of life.
It can repair just about anything.

Lynn Johnston

When you realize you've made a mistake, make amends immediately.

It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.

Dan Heist

The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words

left unsaid and for deeds left undone.

Harriet Beecher Stowe, Little Foxes, 1865

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The best inspiration about apologizing comes from God's Word.

He emphasizes the heart response

2 Corinthians 7

For godly sorrow produces repentance

leading to salvation,

not to be regretted;

but the sorrow of the world produces death.

Worldly sorrow

means you're sorry you got caught.

Or sorry you got punished.

Maybe you're sorry because you looked bad to others.

Your sorrow is fueled by thoughts of yourself and others.

Godly sorrow

is a deeper, life-changing reaction to your sin.

It's a soul-stirring sorrow fueled by

the thoughts of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

This is the sorrow we need to model and explain to our monkies.

The lie satan loves to tell us an apology won't help,
because we've apologized for the same thing over and over.


The evil one also likes to tell us that an apology isn't necessary if
the situation happened a long time ago.


The destroyer whispers in our ears that nobody could ever forgive
anyone as bad as us.


That's why one of his titles is called LIAR,
because he lies.

Don't listen  to snake-breath.


The only thing that
never wears out,
is still effective when late,
doesn't weaken with age,
and never goes out of season
is an
apology.

So, if Monkeys See, Monkeys Do,
make sure your little monkies
See Momma Monkey apologize,
so they learn to Do likewise.

Monkey See, Monkey Do

Yesterday, I introduced the first of the
 2 things
I had to learn about
 raising my adorable monkeys.

#1 They have a sin nature.

I called this,
Monkey Be, Monkey Do.

Monkeys don't need to see to do,
monkeys do because monkeys are.

However, in addition to their own sin nature,
our kids have another downfall to their behavior.

Thus, we venture on to point #2.

2. Their parents have a sinful nature. 
( I included my husband because I don't want to take all the blame. )

Even with the new nature that comes through salvation,
the old man still shows up.

I have a temper.

I am not always kind.

Sometimes I gossip.

 I harbor bitterness in my heart.

I can be a bad example.

A memory from my early years  in parenting still sears my heart.

I was frustrated with something and slammed a kitchen cupboard door.
Really hard.
Really, really, hard.

The sturdy wood made a resounding bang that soothed my ruffled soul.

It felt good, until my little precious toddler waddled over to the same cupboard door,

slammed it, then looked up to me with a few-toothed smile, waiting for my approval.

Instead, she broke my heart.

I wondered how I would survive parenting

when I couldn't even survive my own sinful self.

Twenty years later, I'm still wondering.

Only now, I live in a house where the cupboards are plastic and pressboard,

and when I slammed a drawer shut soon after we moved in, it broke.

My husband has fixed it several times,

but the awkwardness of the drawer and the dried dripping glue

is an ugly insight into to my own soul.

I have grown, but not enough.

But, lest we become discouraged and throw ourselves down in disgust,
there's hope,

it's called forgiveness.

The Lord doesn't call perfect people
to become parents,
He calls parents
to become perfect people.

The book of James explains we become perfect through trials.
That's why the same things happen over and over.
We face it until we conquer it.

It's a hard job,
being a sinner
raising sinners
to not sin
against a holy and mighty God.

Isn't it wonderful
our holy and mighty God
helps us not sin
while raising sinners
to not sin?




Sometimes, it means confessing sin.

Sometimes, it means apologizing to our children.

Sometimes, it means confessing to our husbands and asking for prayer.

Sometimes, it means asking an older woman for help, encouragement, advice.

As we deal with our sin,
we teach our children how to deal with theirs.

If we try to gloss over it and blame it on hormones or lack of sleep,

we'll teach them to do the same.

If we harm relationships and don't heal them,
we'll teach them to do the same.

If we don't forgive others when they sin against us,

we'll teach our children to not forgive us when we sin against them.

So, there's hope,
there's joy,
 there's a way to bring
 the Lord glory in all our failings.

 

As our precious little monkeys
see us
turn to the Lord for forgiveness and strength,
they will
do
the same thing.


Because Monkey See, Monkey Do.

Monkey Be, Monkey Do

We say

"Monkey See, Monkey Do"

 when we're admiring our clever children

mimicking a behavior they witnessed.

We also  say
"Monkey See, Monkey Do"

when we blame other kids for wrongly influencing our darlings' behavior.

It took me a few years to understand 2 things clearly
about raising my adorable little monkeys.
Monkeys don't always have to see to do.

 

1. They have a  sin nature.

Psalm 51:5

"Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
And in sin my mother conceived me."

Some behaviors are learned, some acquired, but the nature of sin begins at birth.

Since Adam and Eve sinned in the garden,

all mankind has been born with the same fallen nature.

 

In other words, the monkeys don't always have to see because

"Monkey Be, Monkey Do."

 

Theologically, I believed in the sin nature, but I didn't understand.


I was surprised when my adorable babies grew up
and were selfish, had tempers, pouted, stole, hit, bit and refused to share toys.
I thought the better Christian I was, the better parent I would be
and the better my children would be.
Actively pursuing the Christian faith only took care of MY sin nature, not theirs.

 

One day my husband came home to a disillusioned, sad, stressed-out mother.
I was down that my kids were SO naughty.
As I related the struggles of the day, he looked at me and simply said,
 "They're just doing their job. They're sinners."

It was an epiphany.
 I expected my kids to be good and was disappointed when they weren't.
So, if their job was to sin,
my job was to train, instruct, correct and love them.

Changing behavior won't happen overnight.
It won't be easy.
Some kids may struggle with an area of sin their entire life.

Until the spirit of God indwells them through salvation
that comes through faith in Christ, and gives them power over sin,
it's our job to help them navigate those struggles.


They can graciously learn,
just because they  be, they don't have to do.




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Tomorrow, we'll talk about the 2nd lesson I learned ~
that one about who the monkeys are imitating the most.