Saturday, April 17, 2010

Why Do Mommies Yell?

Yesterday, I blogged about the value of having Christian friends we can entrust with our deepest secrets and struggles.  Friends that can hear the words,

"I yelled at my kids today" and give us Biblical advice and not gossip about our confidences.

1.  Mommies yell when they aren't dealing with their own problems well. 

Maybe it is a spiritual battle, a physical suffering, an emotional pain, a loneliness, or  a demanding schedule that is weighing down your heart and lifting your agitation.  It's anything that takes our hearts and minds away from trust and obedience.  It is easy to walk around like a loaded gun, and it doesn't take much to pull the trigger.

Those struggles can cause turmoil instead of rest, anxiety instead of trust, anger instead peace. They are valid problems, but let them be your REASON to be victorious, not your EXCUSE. 

Learn to identify your areas of little faith.  Seek answers in the Word and in prayer.  Ask older, Biblically wise sisters for wisdom, prayer and  encouragement.

Don't live on a jagged emotional edge; learn to walk around your home in peace, so that you can respond in peace.

2.  Mommies yell when they aren't dealing with their children's problems well.

We can train our children to not respond to our command or ask by not following through immediately in a gentle way. Sometimes we don't want to stop what we're doing, they take advantage of the moment and delay their obedience - delayed obedience is still disobedience. On the third time of asking them to do something, we are angry, we yell, THEN, they act. Don't let them get past one warning. Be gentle, but firm. Do NOT train them to obey only when you yell.

We yell when they don't listen.  We get annoyed that they wouldn't heed our wisdom, our needs, our role as Mother.  It's a little like being offended.  OK, it's a lot like being offended.

We yell when they disobey a clear command.  We are astounded that they would DARE to disobey.  We daily disobey the Lord.  How does He deal with us?

We yell when they annoy us.  They usually annoy us because we aren't listening to their needs.  We aren't addressing their fears or their concerns.  When you're a Mom, you're never off work.  It can be draining.  Fill your cup, let it overflow with grace and mercy, not rants. 

How To Cure Yelling:

I would love to give you a three step formula that could cure you this weekend, but I can offer you a promise.  The Word of God is perfectly able to be your help and your strength.  Read daily.  Pray daily.  Ask for wisdom.  Since each mommy yells for a different reason, a different inner struggle, different verses will minister to each of us. 

Keep accountable with your husband.  Talk often.  Encourage one another in parenting for the glory of the Lord.  My husband will come home from work, when he knows my day was stressful and demanding, and might ask, "Were you a yellbox today?"  He does it jokingly, but with sincere interest and no judgment. Most of all, my honesty helps him know how to sincerely pray for me.

When you do yell, apologize.  I used to get so down on myself I would be even more upset than I was before I yelled. Because I was a Christian I felt I shouldn't have failed. 

What makes us different from unbelievers isn't that we don't sin, it is that we confess our sin, to the Lord and to our family.

By the grace of God, maybe the next conversation we have with a good friend over a cup of coffee might be,

"Wow, it's been a long time since I yelled at my kids! Praise the Lord!"


    "Mommies yell when they aren't dealing with their problems well". - I fall into this category. =/
    Thanks for the encouragement to pray more and seek the Lord about it more.
    I agree, having a husband that truly cares is so helpful.

  2. I have to also say that I yell when I am occupied and do not want to deal with my children's problems immediately. I find that if I deal with them when I am suppose to then I do not yell. Accountability from the husband is the best. I hope that one day I can also say with you, "I has been a long time since I have yelled at my children. Praise the Lord."

  3. It is so encouraging to read about other moms who struggle in this area. I have been a screamer just about all my life. Thank God, He has been working in me and changing me. Confessing is the key to healing. There are many reasons why I tend to yell, so I won't list them here. But I know that it really is NOT my kids, but my HEART!!

    Thank you for the encouraging post!

  4. Well, I just came over here to say thank you for the loving and kind comment you left me, and how touched I was...and there is a post about Mommies yelling. Now, now, why you gotta be like that?Now I'm just feeling kinda well, you know......of course I don't ever yell

  5. These are great thoughts on this common sin. Like you, with a little more age and experience I think I manage to yell at lot less. One other commenter mentioned being distracted, and that is my downfall . Gettin involved in whatever and not keeping my eye on the ball with the kids needs.
    Have a good week Mindy!

  6. Very well said my friend, you helped many mommies with this post.
    .........many blessings...:-) Hugs

  7. Glory Be Halleluah Amen! Thank you for this post. We all sin but that is the road that SHOULD lead us right back to HIM. As you said, let this be a way to get to him, not an EXCUSE to stay away.


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