Ya' Know What SHE Just Did?

We talked about talking about our kids.
We talked about talking about our hubbies.
It's time to talk about talking about other people.
Ya' know, the gossiping kinda' talking.

You can hear the snear in the voice when someone says,
"Ya' know what she just did?"

 

I know you all just repeated this to yourselves,

didn't you?

Although when you say "he" and "she,"

 with scorn it sounds more like

"HEuh" and "SHEuh."

By using this tone of voice,

nothing more needs to be said.
 Negative feelings have been induced.

Sometimes, we use this trick while sharing a story

and we don't want to appear to be a gossip.
We think we're telling the story in a way that
doesn't seem to like we're disapproving,

but the inflection and the look we use

when we say, for example,
 "Mother-in-Law"
tells it's own story. 

 

Why Do We Gossip?

1. It's a way of comparing ourselves.

We feel better about ourselves

by finding a fault with someone else,

especially if we think their fault bigger than ours.

Remember that speck and log thing?

Women are good at this.

When we see another woman,

we judge her hair, makeup, clothing and figure,
mostly to see how she measures against ourself.

To spiritualize this activity,

Christians judge one another's hospitality,

the obedience of their children, their submission

or the fruit of their ministry.

A lot of ugly words can be used when there's a failure

to recognize the sin for what it is - jealousy.

 

2.  We like the feeling of being a star reporter,

and being the first one to have the scoop.

This is great when someone has a baby

or just got married,

but save the scoop for news worth having your name attached.

If I don't want to hear,

"Momma Mindy said ____________,"

I don't say it.

3.  We rejoice in someone's failings,

especially if they've harmed us or if we had predicted

their moral failings with our astute observations and discernment.

Proverbs 24:17

Do not rejoice when your enemy falls,

And do not let your heart be glad when he stumbles;

4.  We feel spiritual pride

because we think our holiness is holier

or our convictions are more convicting

or we know the Bible better.

5.  We gossip about a person

when we're failing to pray for that person.

It's hard to talk about someone when you're sincerely  praying
to the Lord for their faith, their life and their blessing.

We can talk to people about people,

or we can talk to the Lord about people.

The first will destroy lives,

and harm our testimony.

The second will build up lives

and give us a God-honoring testimony.

Remember, the tongue is the rudder,

to steer away from the rocky shore.

The Lighthouse will illuminate the danger zone.

Ya' Know What My Kid Just Did?!?!

We begin a story like this because the event was so frustrating,

if we can't share and laugh, we'll cry.

  OK, maybe we cried first, then chose to laugh later.

I heard about a Miss Princess who used her mom's

new lipstick to write her name on the newly painted wall.

A friend's precious little Man Cub  flushed his

Daddy's new watch down the toilet.

 My little sisters, Angie and Laurie,

held our calico cat down and wrote

"kitty" on her white belly with a big, blue Sharpie permanent marker.

As if we older people in the family might confuse

Stupid, our cat's name, with the neighbor's dog, Sam.

Now, these are funny, treasured family memories.

But, not every circumstance in our children's life should be repeated.

Yesterday, we began the series on gossip and defined it as

"idle talk or rumor,

especially about the personal or private affairs of others."

The King James uses the word "talebearer", which actually has a fascinating definition.

It combines the word "walk" with the word "slander."

We walk with slander when we gossip.

Those of you with younger kids can't fathom anything you say harming your kids.

Who cares if they suck their thumbs or have more than one bm in a day?

I believe when parents sin against their children with their tongues,
it's primarily unintentional.
But, careless words can harm as much as intentional words.

When sharing one of those amazing stories about your kids,
ask yourself these questions:

Am I betraying a confidence?
Kids tell us things from their hearts meant only for
our ears and our hearts only.

They're secrets that need to be kept.

How you react when entrusted with their little secrets

will help determine if they tell you their bigger secrets.

It's training ground for you.

You might think it's cute that your six year old has a crush
on a boy in her class.  But, if you repeat this too often,
she might not want to tell you about her crush when she's 16.

Could this give them an unfair label?
If people know your child is going through a lying stage,

they might always view that child as a liar.

Sad to say, some Christians can't forgive and forget.
If there's a need to be truthful about your child's struggle,
don't hide it.  Your Sunday School teacher may eventually figure it out.
But, don't broadcast it more than necessary.
(We don't want them telling all their friends how much we yell,
do we?
It's not pretending sin doesn't happen,
it's loving our kids and giving them respect while they're overcoming a sin.)

Could what I share embarrass them later?

If your son is 10 or 11 and is a bed wetter, you'll need sympathy,

some advice, and someone to promise you he will outgrow it...eventually.
But, your son doesn't need a lot of people knowing his problem.

In a few short years, he'll be a teenager and will have enough issues.

He doesn't need to hear a well-meaning woman walk up to you a year
 or so later and say in public, "So, is _____ still wetting the bed?" 

Could sharing their rebellion

turn them farther from the Lord?

Some struggles our kids go through that don't need to be public knowledge.

It's their story, and when they're ready to tell it, they will.

I was reading a book by a well-known Christian and she revealed

how she discovered her son was a homosexual.

I was devastated for him.

He was estranged from his family and his faith,

and his mother published his deepest, darkest secret for the whole world to know.

I didn't think it would help bring him back to the Lord,
but push him farther away.

When our kids were young, Scott and I gleaned encouraging and spiritual advice
about parenting from many wonderful families. 
However, when their kids became teenagers,
there was a roadblock on that information highway.
Initially, we thought it was because of shame over their kids' behavior.
We were wrong.
Out of love and respect, these parents were guarding their kids from
undue criticism and judgement for their struggling kids.
Christians can sometimes remember sins long after the Lord
has made them as far as the east is from the west.
They didn't want them to be remembered the rest of their lives as
"the kid who did _________________."


Will my vocalized disappointment with their
decisions mar their testimony?
Let's face it, no matter how much we love and respect our parents,
none of us are living our lives and our faith exactly as they did.
We need to give our older kids the same respect.
If they aren't making the decisions we would like them to,
leave it with the Lord. 
Always pray, give advice when asked, and allow the Lord to complete the work.
Let them grow up.
Share their victories, their good decisions, their accomplishements.
Let people see them through your eyes of praise.

If there's nothing to praise and you are dealing with a prodigal,
then just praise the Lord.
His promises will come true in that child.

I understand completely parents need support.

My girlfriend, Kirsti, has a similar sign in her home.

If you don't think this is funny, you don't have teenagers yet.

Just sayin'.    :)

 I can tell this dear sister anything and everything about my kids.

She'll let me cry.

She'll tell me the truth if I'm not loving or forgiving.

She'll give me promises from the Lord's Word.

She'll always love  my children and me,

no matter what I tell her.

That's why I can tell her.

I'm not telling you to hide parenting problems.

I'm urging caution in what you share and who you tell.

Can you trust the person?

Will she repeat what you are saying?

Will she  give you Biblical advice?
Will she pray for you and with you?
Will she still love your child?

It's just time for parents to take the advice we give our kids,

"O be careful little lips what you say..."

Remember, our tongue is a rudder,

steering the family ship.

We need to aim this craft for the shores of Heaven.