After spotting a few signs
that showed some hints of illiteracy,
I decided to articulate
a brilliant grammar, punctuation
and spelling tutorial
A donut shop we shopped at once, in a moment
of sugar craving
and temporary weakness,
gave us this warning.
I dun could't resist taking a pickcher
of that there sign.
are not always understooded very good.
Them donut peoples dun used the
possessive personal prounoun
instead of a contraction
short for "you are."
Ya' know, it's perty easy to make contractions.
'Cuz we're too lazy to say each word,
contractions are like shortcuts.
Start with two words,
take a few letters out,
throw in a squiggle where the letters are missing,
and you gotta' new word.
If you be confused which word to use,
YOUR or YOU'RE
ITS or IT'S
mouth the long words for the contraction to yerself.
Ya' know, before you shortened it.
Make sure your lips move
so everybody thinks yer crazy.
Do you wanna say YOU + ARE
or do you wanna say it dun belongs to sumbudy else?
Same wif "its" and "it's".
If ya wanna' say "it is"
Now, the possessive form can be confusing.
Think of the apostrophe as a little pointing finger,
showing something is possessed,
I know that's kinda' a big word.
ex.) The dog's tail wagged.
The little apostrophe is pointing to the dog,
showing he owns the word after the apostrophe,
in this case the tail.
This latte ain't owning nuttin'.
It don't need a finger pointing at hisself.
It ain't a contraction either.
It just needs to be plural,
more than one,
'cuz we luv us some lattes.
You be needing to just add a big ol' "s".
(Say "Hi" to Momma Mindy. I had to include myself in this pic.)
From a Craigslist ad -
"wrighting table - $250 (milton)"
Maybe that's why they had to sell the "table",
it didn't help them wright
like they thought it should.
Maybe I shoulda' bought the "table",
and started a business.
I could make signs for people.
Only I would fer shur
dun use them there contractions,
possessive personal pronouns correctly.
I no I wood make lotsa' money.
A cheerful heart is good medicine.
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