Jay Leno Style Grammar Tutorial

After spotting a few signs

that showed some hints of illiteracy,

I decided to articulate

a brilliant grammar, punctuation

and spelling tutorial

today.

A donut shop we shopped at once, in a moment

of sugar craving

and temporary weakness,

 gave us this warning.

I dun could't resist taking a pickcher

of that there sign.

Them there rules for apostrophes, plurals

and possessive personal pronouns. 

are not always understooded very good.

Them donut peoples dun used the

possessive personal  prounoun

"your"

instead of a contraction

"you're",

short for "you are."

Ya' know, it's perty easy to make contractions.

'Cuz  we're too lazy to say each word,

 contractions are like shortcuts.

Start with two words,

take a few letters out,

throw in a squiggle where the letters are missing,

and you gotta' new word.

If you be confused which word to use,

YOUR or YOU'RE

ITS or IT'S

mouth the long words for the contraction to yerself.

Ya' know, before you shortened it.

Make sure your lips move

so everybody thinks yer crazy.

Do you wanna  say YOU + ARE

or do you wanna say it dun belongs to sumbudy else?

Same wif "its" and "it's".

If ya wanna' say "it is"

use "it's."

PHEW!

Got it?

. 

Now, the possessive form can be confusing.

Think of the apostrophe as a little pointing finger,

showing something is possessed,

or owned.

I know that's kinda' a big word.

ex.) The  dog's tail wagged.

The little apostrophe is pointing to the dog,

showing he owns the word after the apostrophe,

in this case the tail.

This latte ain't owning nuttin'.

It don't need a finger pointing at hisself.

It ain't a contraction either.

It just needs to be plural,

more than one,

'cuz we luv us some lattes.

You be needing to just add a big ol' "s".

(Say "Hi" to Momma Mindy.  I had to include myself in this pic.)

From a Craigslist ad -

"wrighting table - $250 (milton)"

Maybe that's why they had to sell the "table",

it didn't help them wright

like they thought it should.

Maybe I shoulda' bought the "table",

and started a business.

I could make signs for people.

Only I would fer shur

dun use them there contractions,

plurals and

 possessive personal pronouns correctly.

I no I wood make lotsa' money.

Proverbs 17:22

A cheerful heart is good medicine.

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