Plans for an Unplanned Journey

Six years ago, we left 40 years of midwest living  and moved to the westcoast. 

It was a planned journey.

Very planned.

We packed, organized, gave away things.

We sold our house and arranged to rent a new one. 
I returned all my friends' Tupperwares,

my daughters returned their friends' clothes.

We even returned our library books.

I bought snacks and presents for the trip.

I packed special surprises into some of the boxes.

We enjoyed going away parties.

We gave and received presents from friends.

I made list after list,

determined to have no surprises,

no stone unturned.

I wanted the moving journey to be an adventure, an experience,

 a life-changing and faith-growing time for our family.

I knew planning well would accomplish this in our lives.

Six months after settling into our new destination,

we began another journey.

An unplanned journey.

A journey of faith.

My journey with thyroid cancer.

My friend, Kirsti, "gave" this verse to me in a card.  I clung to the promise, 

so as I approach another phase of the journey,

 I bought a plaque for my desk for a daily reminder.

It's a journey that may have rests along the way,

but no immediate end in view.

I know one sure cure for cancer,

but I am not ready to die yet.  :)

In October, I was given the word remission,

but I knew it was more of an emotional break my doctor knew I needed.

Two weeks ago I had my routine follow-up bloodwork.

Some numbers weren't what they should be.

Not drastic, but not good, not what they need to be to fight cancer

 and to assure I don't have cancer growing in my body.

Today, my husband is accompanying me to the hospital for further testing. 

I will be getting a chest x-ray, a sonogram on the lumps on my neck (they just never all go away)

and  a PET/CT scan.

Because my cancer has metasticized twice already,

 there has always been the concern it would return to other areas,

like the chest.

Part of me just never wants to worry about anything, just deal with it as it comes.

Another part of me knows that I can't go into something unprepared.

I need to plan.

I think of these times of unknowing as my Gethsemene times.

I am waiting in the Garden,

knowing what I could be facing,

but saying

"Not my will, O Lord, but thine."

But, I do pray for healing.

So, I plan for the journey.

I plan to be prospered,

to not be harmed,

 to be given a hope and a future.

Because, I want the cancer journey to be an adventure, an experience,

a life-changing and faith-growing time for our our family.

Because, I know His plans will accomplish this in our lives.

Halleluia, we serve a wonderful God!

Praise Him with me today!

Results of PET Scan

This is my pet, SPAZ, scanning my Zune. He crawled onto my lap and helped me watch National Treasure.

I had been so worried about hearing the results of the PET scan in a letter, that I kinda forgot to worry about what the results would be . Maybe it was a good diversion for a few days.

To my great relief, my new endocrinologist called me in person Tuesday evening. But, just the fact that I heard his voice on the other end of the line told me the answer I was waiting to hear - my cancer had come back. I was thankful to hear that he thinks the cancer is contained to only one of the many lumps that have grown back since my initial thyroidectomy in 2005. I have an appointment with my new ENT next week, and surgery should be scheduled sometime in April.

I was ready. I had shed my tears, I had cried out to the Lord and I had trembled at what was ahead when I first was faced with the ordering of a PET scan to test the lumps on my neck.

But, even before that, I knew. I knew in the fall when the Lord prompted me to get school done early so I would be ready in the spring.

I knew when the Lord blessed my husband and me with a beautiful, relaxing vacation to Hawaii.

He told me.

Now I have the job of telling everybody else, one of the harder things I have had to face in my life, now two times. I called family, friends, sent out emails and tried hard not to forget anyone.

I dreaded making the calls and writing this blog, knowing what I had to share news that will cause others pain, tears and sorrow on my behalf. But, I am so thankful to be loved and prayed for by many. It has been, and will continue to be, my sustenance throughout this trial.

I thought of these verses Paul penned to the Christians in Ephesus. We do not have the same circumstances, but the same desire for others - to KNOW and LOVE the Lord Jesus more.

Ephesians 3:13-16

I ask you not to lose heart at my tribulations...

...I bow my knees before the Father,

that He would grant you, according to the riches of His glory,

to be strengthened with power through His Spirit in the inner man,
so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith;

and that you, being rooted and grounded in love,
may be able to comprehend with all the saints

what is the breadth and length and height and depth,
and to know the love of Christ which surpasses knowledge,

that you may be filled up to all the fullness of God.
Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly beyond all that we ask or think,

according to the power that works within us,
to Him be the glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations forever and ever.

Amen.