What I've Really Learned in 24 Years...

A mother's wisdom is widespread  in content area and experience

and may not always be appreciated. 

I wanted to share the wealth of information

I've garnered in 24 years of marriage and parenting.

This list may not be inclusive,

I actually might have learned a thing or two more,

I just can't remember anything else at the moment.

I think I have been in a state of shock

for at least the past 23 years.

Names are not used to protect my guilty children.

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*Legos that were vacuumed up can retrieved out of the vacuum cleaner bag if you cut open the bag at the bottom.
*Legos that are swallowed eventually make their way out the bottom by themselves.


* A pair of socks that are worn over and over without washing eventually do have a left and a right foot.
*A pair of socks that are put in the wash separately will eventually end up only as a left, or only as a right.



*A cricket has a hard time keeping its appendages through the spin cycle.
*A cockroach can make it through the wash with almost all of its legs intact.
*A cockroach in a crawler's mouth will be about half intact when you discover it. Mouthwash can make you feel like you sterilized their mouth.



*If  a whole cup a coffee is spilled on the new carpet at the doctor's office, a diaper works really well to soak it all up. Just open it up, lay it down, and step on it over and over.


*If your husband is a referee and his professional Fox 40 whistle goes through the washer AND the dryer - it will still work.


*If you own small plastic tool chest and put a padlock on it, if your kids slice the hinges open, they can still get to your tools.


*If you fill the hot tub, without screwing in the drain plug, the hot tub never gets filled.
*Extra chlorine in the hot tub doesn't make you extra sterilized, it makes you extra rashy and itchy.


*If the kids  use hand-washing dish detergent soap instead of dishwasher soap in the dishwasher, you WILL be wiping up MOUNTAINS of bubbles.

*The little white cardboard tubes from tampons fit perfectly over toddler fingers.  If the child is sitting in church,  the finger extensions help them to keep better time with the music.
*Peel-n-stick feminine pads really do peel and stick well - even on the tiled floor of a coffee shop.


*One Jolly Rancher dropped behind the bed, can attract a colony of ants. If you don't find the Jolly Rancher before the kids and dispose of it, it could attract a colony of kids.

*Watched pots still boil over, and unwatched steaks on the grill DO become charcoal.

But, you can't laugh long.  This is the amazing child who made the gourmet Thanksgiving meal just a few short years later, without much coaching from me.  This picture is the result of my tutorial.  "Turn the grill on and throw the steaks on.  Dad will be home in a few minutes to finish them up."

I would love to hear what wisdom you have acquired

 in your years of parenting!