Wednesday, May 26, 2010

Jay Leno Style Grammar Tutorial

After spotting a few signs
that showed some hints of illiteracy,
I decided to articulate
a brilliant grammar, punctuation
and spelling tutorial

A donut shop we shopped at once, in a moment
of sugar craving
and temporary weakness,
 gave us this warning.

I dun could't resist taking a pickcher
of that there sign.

Them there rules for apostrophes, plurals
are not always understooded very good.

Them donut peoples dun used the
possessive personal  prounoun
instead of a contraction
short for "you are."

Ya' know, it's perty easy to make contractions.
'Cuz  we're too lazy to say each word,
 contractions are like shortcuts.
Start with two words,
take a few letters out,
throw in a squiggle where the letters are missing,
and you gotta' new word.

If you be confused which word to use,
mouth the long words for the contraction to yerself.
Ya' know, before you shortened it.

Make sure your lips move
so everybody thinks yer crazy.

Do you wanna  say YOU + ARE
or do you wanna say it dun belongs to sumbudy else?

Same wif "its" and "it's".
If ya wanna' say "it is"
use "it's."


Got it?

Now, the possessive form can be confusing.
Think of the apostrophe as a little pointing finger,
showing something is possessed,
or owned.
I know that's kinda' a big word.

ex.) The  dog's tail wagged.

The little apostrophe is pointing to the dog,
showing he owns the word after the apostrophe,
in this case the tail.

This latte ain't owning nuttin'.
It don't need a finger pointing at hisself.

It ain't a contraction either.

It just needs to be plural,
more than one,
'cuz we luv us some lattes.

You be needing to just add a big ol' "s".

(Say "Hi" to Momma Mindy.  I had to include myself in this pic.)

From a Craigslist ad -

"wrighting table - $250 (milton)"

Maybe that's why they had to sell the "table",
it didn't help them wright
like they thought it should.

Maybe I shoulda' bought the "table",
and started a business.

I could make signs for people.
Only I would fer shur
dun use them there contractions,
plurals and
 possessive personal pronouns correctly.

I no I wood make lotsa' money.

Proverbs 17:22
A cheerful heart is good medicine.

Need more laughs?
Click over to Homesteader's Heart
for Friday Funnies


  1. That was hilarious, Mindy! But really, does't it aggravate you just a litte? Such a great sense of humor! Thank you!

  2. This is exactly one reason why I DISLIKE VERY MUCH this texting business. People are acquiring all kinds of bad habits from it.
    Funny blog though, that was totally something my Mom wud wright. ;)

  3. Absolutely hilarious! And maybe, just maybe, it will actually do some good.

  4. You crack me up! I'm going to link this as an example of a FAB Friday post. I've gone to once a month on the 1st Friday.

    FAB Friday 1st Friday's :) Hope you can link up next week!

  5. Woo hoo! You da lady with the know-how!!

  6. Why, oh why, do people feel the need to sprinkle apostrophes where they do not belong?! I volunteered to help in the worship words ministry at my church a couple of years ago because I was sick of seeing "it's" for "its" and other illiterate mistakes. The problem is that too often the person who is good at running programs on computers is terrible at spelling.

  7. Bwah ha ha! That was good! And please don't go back and read past posts because I'm sure you will find some of those mistakes. LOL!
    Oh and speaking of Craigslist, the other day I saw a post that said
    "Chest of Drorers! LOL! Nothing like sounding it out! Ha! Ha!
    Have a great weekend.

  8. Oh my GOODness!! I am still amazed at how many times I run across stuff like this, too! Why don't we know our grammar better than this? I love the way you are teaching it, though! HA!! It sounds just like folks around here!


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