Yesterday, I blogged about the value of having Christian friends we can entrust with our deepest secrets and struggles. Friends that can hear the words,
"I yelled at my kids today" and give us Biblical advice and not gossip about our confidences.
1. Mommies yell when they aren't dealing with their own problems well.
Maybe it is a spiritual battle, a physical suffering, an emotional pain, a loneliness, or a demanding schedule that is weighing down your heart and lifting your agitation. It's anything that takes our hearts and minds away from trust and obedience. It is easy to walk around like a loaded gun, and it doesn't take much to pull the trigger.
Those struggles can cause turmoil instead of rest, anxiety instead of trust, anger instead peace. They are valid problems, but let them be your REASON to be victorious, not your EXCUSE.
Learn to identify your areas of little faith. Seek answers in the Word and in prayer. Ask older, Biblically wise sisters for wisdom, prayer and encouragement.
Don't live on a jagged emotional edge; learn to walk around your home in peace, so that you can respond in peace.
2. Mommies yell when they aren't dealing with their children's problems well.
We can train our children to not respond to our command or ask by not following through immediately in a gentle way. Sometimes we don't want to stop what we're doing, they take advantage of the moment and delay their obedience - delayed obedience is still disobedience. On the third time of asking them to do something, we are angry, we yell, THEN, they act. Don't let them get past one warning. Be gentle, but firm. Do NOT train them to obey only when you yell.
We yell when they don't listen. We get annoyed that they wouldn't heed our wisdom, our needs, our role as Mother. It's a little like being offended. OK, it's a lot like being offended.
We yell when they disobey a clear command. We are astounded that they would DARE to disobey. We daily disobey the Lord. How does He deal with us?
We yell when they annoy us. They usually annoy us because we aren't listening to their needs. We aren't addressing their fears or their concerns. When you're a Mom, you're never off work. It can be draining. Fill your cup, let it overflow with grace and mercy, not rants.
How To Cure Yelling:
I would love to give you a three step formula that could cure you this weekend, but I can offer you a promise. The Word of God is perfectly able to be your help and your strength. Read daily. Pray daily. Ask for wisdom. Since each mommy yells for a different reason, a different inner struggle, different verses will minister to each of us.
Keep accountable with your husband. Talk often. Encourage one another in parenting for the glory of the Lord. My husband will come home from work, when he knows my day was stressful and demanding, and might ask, "Were you a yellbox today?" He does it jokingly, but with sincere interest and no judgment. Most of all, my honesty helps him know how to sincerely pray for me.
When you do yell, apologize. I used to get so down on myself I would be even more upset than I was before I yelled. Because I was a Christian I felt I shouldn't have failed.
What makes us different from unbelievers isn't that we don't sin, it is that we confess our sin, to the Lord and to our family.
By the grace of God, maybe the next conversation we have with a good friend over a cup of coffee might be,
"Wow, it's been a long time since I yelled at my kids! Praise the Lord!"