Laundry Schmaundry - The Hamper Rules!

My hamper doesn't rule,

I rule.

These are just the rules for my hamper.

Other women like cooking, so they post recipes.

I like laundry.

I know, I'm weird.

If you don't like laundry, I can help you.

I would do yours if you lived closer,

but since you don't, I'll share my secrets of success.

Momma Mindy's Hamper Rules

1. If it ain't in the hamper,

it's ain't gunna' get warshed.

(In honor of living in Kansas for seven years,

today I'm saying "warsh" instead of "wash."

Didja' catch that?)

Even though that's the rule,

the truth is,

 many times they put their dirty clothes in the hamper

after

I've finished the laundry.

It doesn't matter how many times I say

"It's laundry day!"

"You put your dirty clothes in the hamper, right?"

... there's still glitches.

Maybe the clothes were hidden under the bed,

because they were too embarrassed to show me their dirt,

'cuz I told them not to wear their Sunday clothes to play football.

Maybe they've stained a brand new shirt.

Other times, they're just lazy. 

They hear me calling, but choose not to answer.

They think what they're doing is more important than

what I want them to do.

But, I stick to this, unless they really need a certain item of clothing

and/or them going without their clean clothes would embarrass me.

But, the more you bend the rules, the more they will.

2.  No towels in the hamper.

We live in a very moist climate, things mildew quickly. 

I've had clothes ruined by being smothered

at the bottom of the hamper by a damp towel.

3. Hamper is fer dirty clothes, not clean ones.

If you don't have kids, yer thinking I'm an idiot.

If you have kids, yer runnin' for your marker to put this

statement of brilliance on your laundry hamper.

To clue in childless, hamper-issue-less wonderful readers,

kids love to shove their dirty clothes in the drawers,

and put the clean ones back in the hamper.

Sometimes, they shove them in the hamper still folded.

I know, it's absolutely unbelievable.

I know, if you had kids, they'd never do that.

Good luck with that one, honey.  :)

Lemme' know how it turns out,  because years from now,

I'll still need advice.

Yea, it's totally legal to sniff  the clothes in the hamper,

refold, and put them back with their clean clothes.

 

4.  The way clothes go in the hamper

is the way they go in the warsher.

The above display is one dirty t-shirt still clinging to

one dirty zip-up.  They will cling to one another in the washer, too.

If they're still clinging, they'll be tumbling around the dryer together.

With six kids I don't have time to pull apart a ton of laundry,

unroll those nasty sock balls, and pull undies out of the pants.

Yea, I had two examples, but didn't use the pics.

Don't want to humiliate my children too much.

But still, despite having rules to

protect their laundry and make it  easier

for Mommma Mindy to warsh their laundry,

they still break the rules.

Yea, it's annoying, frustrating and can make me crabby,

yea, me, I get crabby,

but I really do love my kids and I do love taking care of them.

I encourage myself with these verses:

Galatians 6:9

 And let us not grow weary while doing good,

for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart.

Philippians 2:14
 Do all things without complaining and disputing.

  

Each time they don't follow

the hamper rules,

 I have to decide if I'll make the child

live with the consequences

or

if I'll extend mercy and wash another load of clothes.

The Lord just knows what it feels like to be a parent

who's rules aren't followed.

He just has

way more kids

and way more piles of dirty laundry.

We just think we can shove it under the bed where He can't see it,

or we think the stain is so bad He can't cleanse it.

Sometimes, we ignore Him calling us when He notices our stains.

Let's go back to rule #1.

If it ain't in the hamper,

it's ain't gunna' get warshed.

Let's be good kids,

and toss our dirty laundry in His hamper.

'Member?  He's the one who can warsh it

and make it whiter than snow.

Rules to Survive My House

I've always had a lot of rules for my family.

Rules make sense.

They tell little children how to live.

They also tell big children how to live.

Rules benefit husbands, too, but we can't talk about that now.

Rules like,

"We write on paper, not walls."

"We eat food, not paper."

"We don't write on walls with food."

I have rules for conduct.  I have rules for cleaning.  I even have rules for where stuff goes in my fridge.

But, I guess everyone in my family likes that ol' motto, "rules are made to be broken."

It's Romans 7 in action.  Nobody wants to really do anything until they are told NOT to do it. The Bible tells us because our "sinful passions were aroused by the law." 

In other words, the more you tell people not to touch wet paint, the more they want to touch wet paint.

Like father,

like daughter.

I must be the source of the problem, because there was no way I wanted to sit on that bench in DC until I read the sign that said WET PAINT.  It was a subtle, double-dog dare.

So, the more rules I make, the more my kids desire to break the rules, so the more rules I need to make, to protect the people who VISIT my home, from the people who LIVE in my home and don't obey all MY RULES.

1.  DO NOT take your shoes off at the door.  Your socks will become filthy.  Only take off shoes if you are willing to spray a little Endust on the bottom of the socks and skate your way through my dining room and kitchen.  Don't forget the corners.

2.  DO NOT leave your shoes by the door if you opt to polish my floors with your socks.  They will be slipped on by the next random member of my family who has to mail a letter, retrieve something from the van or take out the garbage.  Leave them only if they are size 7 and really, really cute.

3.  DO NOT put your elbows on the table.  Not only does Emily Post consider this rude, they will stick.  Seriously, day old honey or jelly is about the best adhesive known to everybody except Elmer. Ya' know, the guy who makes glue?

4.  DO NOT use your Emily Post manners. You won't fit in.  This is proof.

5.  DO NOT leave your towel on the bathroom floor.  The next person will use it for a bathmat or a floor mop.

6.  DO NOT drop by unannounced without a shovel.  You will need it to make a path through the living room, that is also the sewing room, the craft room, the school room,  the dining room and the fireplace room.

7.  DO NOT call ahead for a visit.  I am not that formal.  Besides, then guilt will MAKE me clean.  I love drop by company, just refer to Rule #5.

8.  DO NOT stick your hand between my couch cushions if you drop something, like your cell phone or your wallet.  I value you too much for you to risk your welfare.  You could be poked, scratched, cut with any number of objects, or the crumbs of a thousand sandwiches could wedge under your fingernails.

9.  DO NOT use my bathroom without first checking for toilet paper.  We use a lot each day.  Only 1 out of 8 family members is skilled enough to replace the tp.  If I didn't get to it and you didn't check, you're on your own.

10. DO NOT drink the milk without sniffing it.  If you forget to smell it and there are chunks, I am NOT making cottage cheese.  You have permission to throw it out.  Just rinse and recycle the container.

Above all, make yourself at home. 

We want you to feel comfortable.

We want you to feel a part of this crazy, rule-breaking family.

Just don't put your elbow on my table, ok?

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