On most days, I remember to write my married name. Yea, even after 25 years of marriage on a frazzled day I might write my maiden name. I've even spelled my name wrong - more than once. On a good day, I can even rattle down my address and phone number without hesitation. The six kids' names and birthdays? Another trick question. Just because I don't remember their birthday and the year they were born doesn't mean I'm a bad mommy, does it?
The worst line to fill out is occupation. After reading one of those email forward things years ago about the value of a mom, I started putting down Domestic Engineer.
Then, I decided I don't need to come up with a fancy, impressive sounding title to try to make myself look better. I'm proud of my profession. So now I write down, boldly and proudly, MOMMY. I am a Stay At Home Mommy.
I've seen eyebrows raised, but not heard any feedback.
However, sometimes when the paperwork gets back to me, I've noticed they've changed my occupation to UNEMPLOYED. Unemployed means you're not working. I work every minute I'm awake. Even if I'm sitting, I'm refereeing disagreements, listening to hear who didn't flush the toilet, trying to remember how old the milk really is, and wondering if there is any chocolate still hidden in the house somewhere.
Mommies even work when they should be sleeping, taking children poddy, giving drinks, soothing nightmares, stopping sleepwalkers and all those other things nocturnal offspring like to experience just the moment you are finally in REM sleep.
I will not be swayed, I still put MOMMY down for my occupation.
Imagine my delight to receive something in the mail honoring me in my chosen profession. No, I didn't get Mother of the Year. I think you have to have matching clothes, a clean house, consistently call your kids by their correct names and make dinner more than once a week to qualify for that. I was asked to represent my city at a glamorous conference for the NAPW.
I was hoping you would ask. National Association of Professional Women.
I was SO impressed! They finally are acknowledging that being a Mommy is a Professional Career!
For a split second, I was considering joining Ivanka Trump at the Waldorf Astoria for the First Annual NAPW Conference to benefit from the "exclusive and powerful networking forum" and to "achieve social and career development." I was wondering if all that networking would provide a powerful cure for diaper rash, a newly developed recipe for homemade playdoh or see if anybody has an exclusive idea for making a craft out of dryer fuzz.
However, going out in public for powerful networking with Ivanka means I would have to have matching clothes, remember to pronunciate and spell my entire name, and talk in complete sentences. I'd be once again defending my claim that being a MOMMY is a profession to high-heeled lawyers and polished real-estate agents.
I think I'll stay home and experience that "exclusive and powerful networking forum" by playing dress-ups with child #6 and the neighbor kids.
After that, to "achieve social and career development," we'll pull out the dryer fuzz from the dryer, grab some glue, pipe cleaners, jingle bells and pom-poms and get busy creating my own craft idea.
After all, that's what I do best.
I'm a Professional Mommy, ya' know.